So I've been very confused for a long time (and still am... and possibly always will be) about my gender identity. The closest term to what I've been feeling has been FtM, but I've realized there are brief periods of time where I do feel more feminine/female in identity. I've been wondering over the last couple days whether I may be genderfluid? But most of the time I DO feel male. Just every now and then I feel more female. So my question is... If most of the time I feel male. And want to make my body match that identity, and only briefly from time to time do I feel more female... Would it be a bad decision to transition (as in hormones/surgery) so that most of the time I feel more comfortable? Any other advice or guiding questions? People who have felt similarly, etc? I don't mean immediately, just in general.
You might have a look at this: Am I Transgender or Transsexual - Teens Wonder Am I Transgender or Transsexual and this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/150966-androgyne-identity.html#14 and this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony.../147192-transitioning-where-do-i-start.html#2 The transgender spectrum goes i.e. from people living with almost androgynous appearance, to styling more like the preferred gender, to taking hormones, to srs. Of course the list is not all possible options. It's up to you to collect further information... You might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want. I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision... There is no only one right way to do this. Its your choice what you want to do...
I'll look at those resources, thank you. My problem is that it feels like I go back and forth sometimes. There are definitely days when I loathe my body and I don't even want to look at a mirror because I know I'll see a female staring back at me. Then other days I'm more at peace with it. Most of the time though, I would say I feel male. I'm just frustrated by my own inconsistency.
I'm currently struggling with the same thing (except MtF). You can choose to go through a transition or not and still present as genderfluid, and if you feel mostly male, a transition doesn't stop you from presenting as female, you can just be more comfortable than you currently are now, which I think is something you can consider.
What if it changes on like a day-to-day basis? Usually it's just a mood type of thing. It'd be hard to just transition from a girl to a guy every day. I'm just confused I guess
How much of it is terror or like... Well for me, the times I feel like being a guy, it's very rare now, but sometimes when I'm at work, in guy mode, I used to get this whole dread feeling, very similar to dysphoria. It would be especially strong when I had to use the guy's room. VERY glad we have a gender neutral bathroom where I work now. But it would start out me imagining what it would be like coming out, and I would just feel squished between a rock and a hard place, half of me would be pushing to make my transition happen yesterday, half of me would be pushing me to just give up entirely. Where I was, the clothes I was wearing, to me the guy's room has a very distinctive smell and that smell fed into it. Like clockwork, those things would come together and that feeling would be right there waiting for me every time I needed to TCOB. It happened other times, just right then it was strongest and easiest to describe. And that's the best way I can describe it. So I guess what I'm asking is - and it's totally cool if you would want to be a woman sometimes, if that's the honest answer, and this isn't feeding in, or if that previous paragraph was like "WTH are you on about Jess crazy woman" then don't sweat it, has nothing to do with you or your situation - but my question is this. If everyone around you were 100% cool with you being a man and you had been completely out and accepted for a year, would you still feel like a woman ever?
I can somewhat relate. I'm not really male, per se, as I'm non-binary but I feel more on the masculine side of things. Before I went through with HRT, I wondered how comfortable I'd feel with medically transitioning when I didn't feel "completely male" - but now I'd say I'm even more comfortable with expressing my gender-fluidness. I have my more feminine days, my more neutral days, and my usual male days. But it's mostly just in terms of how I'm feeling - I had to transition because of physical dysphoria I had beforehand, irregardless of how I identified. It's a bit different from your situation I think, but you don't have to be binary in order to medically transition. I'd only advise against it, though, if you don't have dysphoria about your current body - but that's entirely up to you.
I guess for me it's a matter of what dysphoria actually is. What constitutes dysphoria? I cut my hair short because I like looking more masculine. I bind my chest because I hate my breasts. I don't necessarily feel super dysphoric about the nether region unless it's to do with sexuality. Not to give TMI or anything, but I simply cannot be aroused or get off if I think of myself as female and having female parts. I MUST picture myself as male or I feel gross and unsatisfied. However, on a day to day basis, what is on the forefront of my mind when it comes to my gender is "Do I pass?" I feel like I only have dysphoria when I am thinking about my body, and mildly at that, if that makes sense. I've been questioning for so long, it feels like I WANT to transition but for my sanity I need proof that I SHOULD transition (transition here referring to HRT and probably surgery in the future). I feel like there is a difference between wanting something and needing it. I know I want it, but I have spent months asking myself "Do I need it?" and even some part of me wonders "What if I feel differently someday?" This is the question I would kill to know the answer to. My gut answer is no. I don't think I would feel like a woman ever. But I don't know that for sure. It's like people who go into a relationship saying they will be happily in love forever. Fast forward some years down the road and they are getting a divorce. But unlike getting married, I am not going to be able to turn back. I mean sure, I can stop taking T, but most of the changes are permanent, you know? I think I am always incredibly cautious when it comes to matters of permanence, even if I feel sure. But this.... this is my body. Right now I feel so sure that it's what I want. But I don't trust myself not to change my thinking later.
I've had exactly the same thoughts for a long time... In this life you never know nothing for sure. My experience is that if you have had those feelings since your teens, they are not probably going to go away magically, because those feelings come from the real you. I'd make you this question : Can you picture yourself being happy as a female in your 30s and 40s? Would you be ok with the whole world treating you as a woman, or would you rather be perceived as a man?
Well, I haven't had these feelings since my teens because I was completely unaware that transgender was something that really existed. I think I have envied boys for a long time, but I stopped thinking about it eventually. But then I took a human sexuality class and we learned about transsexuals and when I was thinking about it, it hit me suddenly and I have been thinking about it a lot ever since. As for picturing the future... No, I see myself as male. But again.... that's right now.
