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I feel like I'm losing control and I don't know what to do...

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by CuddleBunny, Sep 21, 2014.

  1. CuddleBunny

    Regular Member

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    It seems like I now have a much harder time suppressing my emotions and holding things in than I used to. I've gone on hiding these feelings from so many people in my life for so many years and now it feels like things are really starting to spiral out of control.

    I used to be able to make myself feel better by distracting myself with other things to take some of the stress off of my mind, but it doesn't work anymore like it used to. I now find myself crying in the middle of the night and I get really emotional after thinking about certain things that never bothered me so much before. I find that I've been reflecting on my life a lot lately and it just makes me depressed. I know there are people in my life who genuinely do care about me, but I've been used and deceived so many times that it's so hard for me to trust anyone anymore and I'm just lost and confused bout how to better my life right now before I fall in too deep.

    I feel like I am going nowhere in my life despite the number of positive things going for me such as my job and a few other things. Sometimes I just feel like I can't see the point of living if I can't even be my real self. I have to pretend that I'm something I'm not every single day and hide all of my feelings from everyone, It's like torture. I don't want to get to a point where I feel like there's absolutely no hope for me, but I feel like I'm not that far off and I'm struggling to find any helpful answer.

    Lately it just feels I keep replaying my whole life in my head, and I can't picture any possible happy ending for where I'm at right now. I feel like something is going to have to dramatically change soon for me to have any chance at real happiness.