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Why Do I Feel So Uncreative Lately? (Art Standpoint, Trans Argument)

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Snidi, Sep 25, 2014.

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  1. Snidi

    Snidi
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    I was hoping that over time, I would start to invite new ideas to play around with in my head again....but I've found myself feeling even less inspired to try new things and open up the flow that has been blockaded. I've been wanting to remove the heavy rocks so that the waterfall of new ideas can come gushing through.

    In college, I was a really good painter when I took classes- and my design teachers thought I was a very talented artist too. But as I've gotten older, I've found myself having no desire to draw anything or produce.

    I feel like part of this has to do with wanting to be a girl. I feel like if I could just wear a really pretty flowery dress, have some long flowing hair, get some beautiful earrings, and just look good overall- then I would feel good and produce some really colorful artwork again. Right now, though, I have no desire to produce anything :frowning2:.

    Since I don't "really" want a sex change (part of me does, but not all of me)- I just want to feel the confidence I feel I could get from being a girl as a man. If any of that makes sense.

    This is more concerning because I feel like art would be a viable career option if I work at it. But it requires diligence, consistency, and inspiration.
     
    #1 Snidi, Sep 25, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2014
  2. Starfleet

    Starfleet Guest

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    Hey, it makes sense to me. I wish a lot of times that I could be a girl.

    Is there any way for you to express this for yourself?
     
    #2 Starfleet, Sep 25, 2014
  3. Snidi

    Snidi
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    I'm not sure what it is, really, I don't know what's blocking my feelings right now- this is just one possibility. It might be something as simple as loneliness- but it's very likely a combination of everything. If I can unblock my feelings, I can access some powerful assets. I'm doing everything I can to do that.
     
    #3 Snidi, Sep 25, 2014
  4. Kasey

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    Well frankly this concept applies to me too. I have no desire or ability to really be fashionable as a male.

    But as female I make sure my colors and layering compliment and that my shoes match and the proper makeup and all that. My appearance as a female I take pride in.

    Now as far as art itself goes I'm not artistic... but the parallel is very apt.
     
    #4 Kasey, Sep 25, 2014
  5. Snidi

    Snidi
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    Yeah, I'm not sure what it is. I feel like a lot of it also has to do with feeling overall rejected by society as a male- by women as well. So I've spent so much time lusting over women, and continue to- when instead I should just be creating stuff.

    I try not to beat myself up over it because I could have been born anything. I just wish I was capable of so much more than I am now...I wish I was able to sharpen my abilities and gain the inspiration to do so.
     
    #5 Snidi, Sep 25, 2014
  6. Dinah

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    I lean towards the literary arts, love and have a passion for music and words, and creative pursuits in general and all of the above comments resonate with me as well. Masculinity is very synonymous with aggression, violence and destruction, and those are things that I can't relate to.
     
    #6 Dinah, Sep 25, 2014
  7. jay777

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    What do you feel would be viable oprions to live this, to get more in touch with your femininity and to get to the painting inspiration ?

    Growing your hair, changing your style ?
    Getting in touch with nurturing energies, like cooking... or gardening....
    or just incorporating and expressing more feminine qualities ?

    Would this help you or would it be better to pent up some and use it only or mostly for art, like wearing an apron, connecting it with a feminine expression and getting in the mood to paint ? Even cooks do this, in my opinion...

    You might have a look at this:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/150966-androgyne-identity.html#14
    and this:
    Am I Transgender or Transsexual - Teens Wonder Am I Transgender or Transsexual


    You might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want.
    I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision...
    There is no only one right way to do this.
    Its your choice what you want to do...

    Well is this a sign for you to just accept parts of you and live it ? Instead of looking for it on the outside ?
    And remember, its never too late... sometimes we just have to learn lessons...

    (*hug*)
     
    #7 jay777, Sep 25, 2014
  8. anonym

    anonym Guest

    Do you think it could be the dysphoria and/or depression? I used to love painting, drawing and making things but can no longer bring myself to go anywhere near anything that's creative. I think in part I lack the motivation and inspiration but mainly, it's because it feels too much like the old me and causes me massive dysphoria.

    Maybe you just need to reconnect with the things that inspire you?
     
    #8 anonym, Sep 27, 2014
  9. drwinchester

    drwinchester Guest

    Yeah, I'm actually with Anonym. Very similar situation. I wrote novels, flash fiction and short stories all through high school. Lot of urban fantasy. Probably been writing since I was 5.

    But after I realized I was trans and my dysphoria got a lot worse, it was real hard trying to get that creative spark back. I didn't really write for about a year.

    Starting to get back in the habit though, now that I'm living full time. Had to push myself but I recently started doing a lot of freelance work so I'm back to writing on a daily basis. I'm taking a fiction writing class at my college, so I'm hoping with all that combined, I can gradually get back into my own fiction writing (I'm not counting all the ghost writing I already do).
     
    #9 drwinchester, Sep 27, 2014
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