Awkward situation with my family at dinner, not sure what to think

So, I've been kinda distant from most of my family this past week than usual because my dysphoria has been getting worse and I've been unsure what to do next. Last week was really rough for me but I've been feeling a bit better these past few days. Lately I've also been avoiding my Mom as much as possible to because it seems like anytime I'm talking to her she tries to bring up irrelevant things right in the middle of a conversation and then doesn't want to hear anything I want to say, So I've been trying not to give her any reasons to argue or nag at me, I'm so tired of fighting and arguing.

Anyway, My Grandpa asked me if I wanted to come with everyone to Longhorn Steakhouse, so I said sure, why not? Also, I find that tensions between me and my Mom tend to lessen when we are together as a family in public, so during these situations I generally don't worry about her arguing too much.

Well, we had been seated and a little after we all ordered our drinks the most random thing happened, My Mom all of the sudden decided to bring up to my Sister that she had seen a Transgirl that used to go to the Elementary School she works at, then my Sister brought up another Transgirl that goes to her School, and then it seemed to become the topic of conversation between my whole family.

On one hand, Most of my family's reaction wasn't as negative as I would have thought after my sister started showing everyone a picture of the Transperson she knew on her phone, but on the other hand it was still extremely awkward to be in the middle of and I still don't know if they would be as receptive if it were to come from their own Son/Daughter. My Mom was actually complimenting the Transgirl that she first brought up saying she looked good and had on a nice dress, and my Dad even brought up that he knew being Trans was not a choice which really surprised me coming from him, but of course he had to make his usual negative comment such as "Oh, She's not bad looking but I bet someone's gonna get punched in the face once the secret comes out", or something to that effect in response to seeing the Transgirl on my sister's phone.

I just don't know how to feel right now. On one hand I'm starting to think it might not be as bad as I thought if they were to ever find out even though it would still suck, But now I can't help but wonder if my Mom somehow knows something? It seemed like an extremely random thing to bring up, but it could also have just been an amazing coincidence. Either way I kinda felt uncomfortable and awkward and had to excuse myself to the bathroom for a few minutes.

I'm still not sure what I think. I still don't feel like it's the right time to come out but now that I have a better idea of their views on Transpeople I'm not so sure it would turn out as bad as I wonce would have thought. Then again, My Mom has said some extremely sexist and gender stereotypical things in the past towards me and I'm not sure if she would have the same reaction if one of her own were to come out.

 

I kinda was just quiet the whole time, I really didn't know what to say. I was waiting for my dad to say something really stupid or perverted, but surprisingly he never did, at least to the level of transphobia I would have expected from him. I was waiting for someone to cite some really ignorant stereotype so I could correct them and no one ever did. It was really kinda awkward though because I really wasn't sure if anyone might have really known or if it was just a coincidence but either way I felt really nervous so I said I had to use the restroom.

The only reason I still have doubts is that I honestly don't know how my Mom would have found out, unless she just had a feeling and guessed? She is not at all computer savvy so there's no way she looked at my internet history, and I can't think of anything I would have done or said that would have given it away. The only thing she could really go off of would be my interests or some of my grooming preferences, but honestly it seems like if she were to randomly guess about something like that I would think she'd assume I was Gay before Trans, as that seems to be the typical assumption of alot of people during situations like this.

She doesn't talk to my friends and I don't think any of the few people I've told would have said something to her.

 

The other thing I worry about is because I didn't 'act' Trans when I was younger like those other girls, My Mom might think I'm not really Trans. I've felt like this for years but I was so afraid of how people would react that I always suppressed it as much as I could. Throughout my life I've always feared rejection and when I was younger I used to feel like nobody would want me if I didn't turn out to be 'normal'. I always felt like my family saw me as a disappointment and I didn't want to hurt them more by telling them I always felt like a Girl.

Still, The fact that it was mostly positive overall does give me some hope. I'm still not 100% sure what I should take from this though.

 

Also, Sometimes it is really hard for me to read people but my Dad and Grandfather's reactions seemed to be of genuine surprise when my Mom started talking about it so even if My Mom does somehow know, I don't think anyone else was in on it. They were much more positive in their reactions than I would have expected overall but I really don't think they were expecting my Mom to bring up the topic.