Dysphoria Worsened After Coming Out?

Oh yes very much, every since I came out to myself and a few others and stop denying it. I've noticed I've gotten loads worse with my dysphoria. I used to be able to brush it off while I was in denial as being nothing more than personality traits.

Now it's like my depression, anxiety and irritation have gotten worse... I isolate myself a lot more too.

 

Oh yes, me too.

I'm still very new to this only realizing that I was a transwoman a couple of months ago. At first I couldn't believe it. Then I watched as so many pieces of my life started coming together to make sense. Then I got really excited! Then I got really horny!:eusa_danc Then I started coming down off the high. And now the daily frustration, irritability, and depression seems to be setting in. Realizing that I'm stuck in this body for years to come, even if I win the lottery tomorrow, just sucks. I hate it. Having to shave my face even more now (although shaving my underarms is kinda fun :>, shaving other areas not so much :<) is irritating. I feel claustrophobic like I'm wearing a suit I can't take off, ever. The best I can do is adorn myself with pretty clothes, make myself up, and then close my eyes and feel my inner self relax a bit.

Coming to EC helps, too.

 

I don't know that I can really be of much help, since I've only just come out to myself and a very select few, but I've noticed that I’m becoming increasingly uncomfortable with my body and the gender-roles placed on me since if I finally gave up the denial. In many ways it has been extremely freeing, like I’ve let the lid off of a pressure cooker that’s been going for a long long time but at the same time it’s also kind of inconvenient. I’ve been oscillating between wishing I could go back to the denial of what I really am and wishing I could just magically transform to be what I know I was meant to be.

You are much further down the path than I am, since I’m still presenting myself as a male but please don’t think you are alone. Having read your words has given me encouragement by knowing that I’m not alone either, so I hope mine have soothed your discomfort some. When it is all said and done, I know you will be very happy. =)

 

I'm in about the same spot as MN Writer, I think. Definitely get more dysphoria when I see certain parts of my body now than 3-4 months ago, and the only thing I can think of is I've accepted it more, and came out to one friend.

 

It got tons worse. For me it was like uncorking a genie from the bottle, no way to stuff it back in. Since then I have really had two kinds of problems, I can share how I deal, if it works, it works, if it doesn't, hopefully something else does.

So "sir". It is just embarrassing how much this word gets to me any more, no matter how I'm presenting. I don't really know why, but that stupid visceral reaction is just right there, ready to ruin my day, and gives me that hopeless "who the hell are you kidding" feeling I will get to in a sec. This kind feels like "everything I've done, it has gotten me nowhere". I deal with this by just asking myself all my reasons for doing this to begin with. 'Cause you know what's not among them? Impressing perfect strangers I will never talk to again with how feminine I am. This kind is way way worse if I'm out as myself. But the solution - just focus on me and my friends and family, why I'm doing this, my goals - and less on the expectations of a stranger. Sometimes it takes time but it eventually either works or I go to bed

So the other kind, the "who the hell are you kidding" kind. The kind when I open my eyes and see a mirror and there is a disgusting patch of facial hair staring right back at me. The other kind is worse when I'm out as myself, this kind is worse when I am in what I like to call "Mulan mode", when I'm dressed up like a boy (my birth sex, I know this stuff is probably hella confusing coming from an MtF :| ) . That kind, I deal with, by saying "you know, you can go back at any time, if that's what you really want". It makes me look at that facial hair patch in a different light. Most of my facial hair is gone, forever, I remind myself. That patch represents the past you don't want to go back to, I realize. I remember what it was like suddenly.

I've learned a lot of things when it comes to teh trans, and sexuality, it's all very deep down basic stuff with us. And you know, that lizard brain part of you, when you feel any kind of panic or you're scared at all, the first idea it comes across, it's just going to latch onto it... without really considering the consequences. I really think dysphoria works like that. So you know, you force yourself to think about this idea you've latched on to, like "go back", and you really think about the consequences, suddenly that becomes the idea your lizard brain is avoiding at all costs. If that makes sense at all. If it doesn't, no worries. Just hope at least some of that could help someone other than me