Need some helpful Advice

I'm so confused as of late...So here is my story. I was born a male but from the age of 6 to 12 I had a sexual trauma going on and in this trauma period I was dressed in little girls clothes given dolls and stuffed animals, and renamed Melissa Marie up to his sudden death I was his little girl at first I was embarrassed but as time went on I looked forward to being dressed up pretty. I enjoyed all the attention I got which I wasn't getting at home. After his death I was lost I didn't really know who I was...I didn't like sports, cars and trucks. So I hid my desire to be the girl and tried being a boy again, That failed and I found a school friend who liked playing and we developed a closeness and in this a sexual relationship started one afternoon we were alone in my house and I put on my sisters clothes and come in the bedroom he was shocked but like it. I told my name was Melissa Marie and as time went on and we played I'd dress up. So as adulthood came and relationships came and went I'd always be the submissive and want to be in female clothes. When in heterosexual relationships I'd always stray back to my homosexual ways. Now go 30 years later still feeling I was to be a female I look into what was required for SRS so I start with my two years of living as a woman but I had a heart attack which prevented me from proceeding with HRT because my heart would not be able to handle the stress. In this disappointed ....enter age of the internet and Missy was on a roll in chat groups where I met a girl who was 20 going on 21 we got into a discussion about gays getting married. I stood all for it she was totally against it religion was her argument. Soon we were talking daily her believing I was a woman. after 2 to 3 month of this, and me starting to far in love. I wanted end it so I told her the truth age and sex I figured it would end there, but it didn't she turned 21 and moved to NC and we set up our home she called me Missy and we lived as lesbians for the next 4 years. She wanted male companion so we parted are relationship. We went on with our lives 9 months later we got back together after her try at marriage and got pregnant but was unhappy in that. Now 4 months into her return she said you need to pick Matt or Missy so we can decide how to raise the baby ...two moms or a father and a mother. I thought about and said I go back to being Matt she said if you do you stay that way, We got married and started raising our son its been 4 years and I have been living this lie all this time, I finally said last week I want to return to being Missy its where my heart and soul and mind have led me. She who is very christian said god made you male so that's what you are. I go on psychology studies that some are born as males don't fully develop as males (which I'm one of) and side with feminine qualities. So my question is do I follow my heart and passion to be the woman I can be or do I stay in a male role and not sacrifice my son and wife. Just need some advise from people who understand.