The feelings of guilt when thinking of coming out...

I'm right there with you, I only wish it hadn't taken me 4 years of being married to begin dissecting my deepest feelings. It was just easier for everybody, including myself, to buy into the myriad reasons why I'm "damaged" than to figure it out on my own. But the pain is real and I could never escape or ignore it.

 

Hi you two. It's hard, I know. I'm only out as a Girl here and at home with my Mom. I feel like I don't know anyone else that will understand.

We all 3 of us deserve to be happy. i've tried for decades to give people what they wanted, and it's always been misery. I now know that I was living a lie for 40 years, and only now is the truth.

It wont be easy. But you deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy.

If i can help,either one of you, come find me. Seriously. Even if it's just somepony to cry with.

 

I understand exactly what you're going through, CB. You're not alone. I wish I had advise to offer, but well, I'm trying to learn how to deal with the feelings of guilt myself.

 

I can empathize with what you are going through here. But I look at it differently.

They are making an assumption about who you are, based on your outward appearance. They see "male" and assume "masculine". There is nothing to feel guilty about here. The mistake isn't, and never was, yours. And by far, this sort of assumption is not uncommon, or even unique to people in your situation. I've seen family project all sorts of expectations and assumptions onto their children for all sorts of reasons. This cuts a bit deeper than most because we are talking about something core to how you see yourself. But the idea of someone trying to seek acceptance from family, and feeling guilty when what they want doesn't line up with the family's expectations? That's quite common.

While I can't really say how to accept and overcome these feelings from personal experience, I can say that there is nothing here to place on your shoulders. It is normal to internalize this and feel guilty, but you don't have to, and you have no obligation to. None. And you shouldn't have to sacrifice your happiness for their expectations.

I'm anxious about coming out to my family, too. I'm concerned that they will "double down" on their mistake and try to push the blame on me, or declare that I'm broken in some way.

 

Well that is kind of an assumption, too...

some have changed a bit, growing their hair out... possibly changing their clothing...

its impossible to foresee how people react, but quite a few people said they kid of guessed...

 

Note that I'm responding to the context of the original post, which includes examples of the family's behavior, and commenting about the behavior itself. I'm not trying to make a general sweeping statement here.

Nor am I trying to imply that they will react in any particular way. There's the mistake, and then there's how you react when faced with something different than you thought was correct.

Anyhow, the core thing here is that any mistakes being made are not something that the OP needs to internalize. Regardless of the motivations of others, or more accurately, despite what those motivations might be.

 

Well the point was the OP assumes what others think...

while there might be hints, like that the OP might have shown variant behaviour already....

and which some people simply build upon...