1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Gender-Curious

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by theflyingelf, Oct 6, 2014.

  1. theflyingelf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2014
    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Out Status:
    A few people
    So I'm currently a cis female. Lately I've been rolling around on here and on various other sites...

    Since I was little, I remember not being in any way 'female' or 'male' at all. I was equally friends with girls and boys. I never played with Barbie's or similar things, I never liked dresses or skirts or bows and such. And vice versa. I wasn't a 'tomboy'.

    I remember in fourth grade when I started to hit puberty and I HATED the fact that I was developing breasts. I started wearing looser shirts and I hated having to wear a bra. Eventually I just accepted the fact that they were there.

    I started feeling a bit isolated in 5th grade from the girls in my school because I felt different. They all became obsessed with boys and makeup and shoes, and I didn't understand it at all.

    I never payed much attention to gender before now, it was never relevant to me. I did what I wanted and I hung out with who I wanted to. Now that I've been in high school for a while, I've noticed the way guys talk about girls and girls talk about guys (and I'm not thinking of in the sexual way, that's a whole other thing). Comments like 'I need more guy friends' and 'I feel bad for you, you're going to be the only girl'...I thought in my head, 'you don't need more guy friends, you need less annoying/clingy friends that won't try to put lipstick on your arm'. And when people say the only girl comment to me, I think, 'why does that make a difference, I don't mind.'

    I've only recently heard of gender-neutral, agender, neutrois, etcetera, but it sounds interesting to me. What are the differences, if any, between them? I've never felt any connection with girls, and I don't feel like I'm a guy, so I'm curious. I don't mind appearing a bit feminine (but I still dislike the makeup, dresses, skirts, etc). I don't experience much dysphoria now, unlike when I was younger. I know that's not a requirement, but...

    If it were common to be neutral, I'd definitely be that. Gender is a silly concept to me (no offense to those who don't feel that way, I just don't understand).

    Honestly I don't feel like I don't have a gender, but I also don't feel like I'm partially both. Its hard to explain. Like I'm neutral, but not a mixture.

    Help? Thanks!
     
  2. DoriaN

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2011
    Messages:
    1,106
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    Canada
    Society places a large emphasis on gender when really, we're just 'people'.

    I'd say just keep being you until it starts bothering you.

    For some gender is important because it's a part of us, for others it's an afterthought.

    Don't really have much to say otherwise, just do your thang.
     
  3. AlexTheGrey

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2014
    Messages:
    438
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    WA, USA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    I ran across this a while back which helps explain agender a bit, assuming you haven't already run across it: ChaosLife - Agender Agenda

    It gets a bit hard to explain the difference between the gender labels you mention, as it starts becoming a blurred and personal thing why someone identifies as neutrois versus agender. There is definitely some overlap, but there seems to be some subtle differences as well. I don't fully grok the differences myself yet.

    I do have to echo DoriaN a bit here. The key is to be yourself. The label is secondary. I still don't really have a clue what I'd tell someone other than non-binary.

    That said, gender was something I didn't really get either until I had to think on it. To me, it was the realization is that it is a real thing, despite being abstract and a social construct. The analogue would be language. Everyone has a slightly different internal concept of language, but it is also this cultural thing we share and communicate. But it gets messy as we are assigned a gender at birth (based on sex), and are expected to present a certain way to communicate that gender to others.
     
  4. Entrian

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2014
    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think, in the trans community, being gender neutral is fairly common. I know probably an equal amount of nonbinary trans people as I know binary trans people.

    The way you feel is similar to the way I feel. I identify as Agender, which is the lack of a gender (Or, if you rather, neither female or male). That seems to be the mostly likely of nonbinary genders since you don't sound like you really want to transition (A qualification of neutois) or that you identify as either binary gender (Genderfluid/Bigender/Polygender/etc.).

    Basically, welcome to the club friend!
     
  5. jay777

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2014
    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian