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Wishing to have been born a girl vs. wishing to be a girl.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Browncoat, Oct 6, 2014.

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  1. Browncoat

    Browncoat
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    Firstly, I'd like to apologize for this being a spur-of-the-moment vent on my part. And incoherent, surely.


    Anyway, today for some reason my mind decided to be more focused than usual on gender/sex, and my disdain over not having been born female. Obviously I finally hit a threshold in my depressive thoughts over it, thus why I'm posting here.

    And...idk, I'm sorry, I'm not sure what I'm trying to ask. I guess the key point is that my disdain is with regard to not having been born female, rather than wanting to be female. If that makes sense to separate the two notions?

    I do not feel particularly female gendered - I'm legitimately agendered, really. The label fits perfectly; I have no affinity for or identify with either side. Being gendered at all bothers me. My issue is that I desperately wish that I had been born female-sexed. That I'm not, on days like this, depresses me immensely. I don't even know why! It just does.

    Now, it might be thought that a step toward remedying this would be to see about transitioning (while presumably paying no heed to gender, since I claim not to care about it), but, there are a couple things...
    1. I still wouldn't have been born a woman, and there's no changing that. I don't think I'd ever feel complete.
    2. Despite my wish to pay no heed to gender, I would be worried that I'd be at a tremendous disadvantage not having spent all the years prior being socialized as a woman. I'm just not sure I'd feel comfortable with all the inherent gender roles thrown upon me that I've spent absolutely zero time adapting to.

    And those things just hold me back from making any progress on this front.....though maybe I'll finally bring it up with my therapist, next week, now that it's not just entirely in my mind.



    Anyhow, I'm sorry if this seems like a bunch of rambling. I guess maybe the key question I'd want to ask is how to cope with all this?

    I'd also mention that for some reason this all feels terribly embarrassing to me, for some reason. I guess because I assume that I can't really equate these feelings with those of actually transgendered individuals (or perhaps I'm afraid to?)? I mean, there's no clear bodily dysphoria or anything that would be an obvious indicator, just an....innate wish, with no hope of being fulfilled (at least in my mind, I guess).

    Just, blah, I'm sorry for rambling. Thank you for reading, at all!
     
    #1 Browncoat, Oct 6, 2014
  2. jay777

    jay777
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    You might have a look at this:
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/150966-androgyne-identity.html#14

    Its a spectrum...
    The tg spectrum goes i.e. from people living with almost androgynous appearance, to styling more like the preferred gender, etc.
    Of course the list is not all possible options.
    It's up to you to collect further information...


    I would actually see it as an advantage, such an upbringing could also be limiting, concerning beauty culture etc. Being free from that allows one to pick the advantages and things that make sense. Of course there are some things to learn, though.

    I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision...

    If you are depressed please talk about it with your therapist...
     
    #2 jay777, Oct 7, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2014
  3. Little Greyjoy

    Little Greyjoy Guest

    You're not alone, I wish I was born a female. Honestly life would've been a lot different and probably/ definitely a lot better if I was born a girl. You're not alone :slight_smile:
     
    #3 Little Greyjoy, Oct 7, 2014
  4. CuddleBunny

    CuddleBunny
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    Yeah, I can kind of relate also. I know there's always options but I have always felt that my life would have been so much easier if I had been born a Girl. I would give anything to go back in time and completely start my life over in a female body.

    Even if I am eventually in the position at some point in my life where transition could be viable for me, I feel as though it still wouldn't be the quite the same as actually having been born female and I'm not really sure that it would actually alleviate any of my dysphoria or make me feel any more comfortable with myself. I would imagine it would probably help some but there would still be times where I would become extremely dysphoric about my body.
     
    #4 CuddleBunny, Oct 7, 2014
  5. wannabemarco

    wannabemarco
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    When I find myself in this kind of mindset I just remember how good it feels to have people refer to me by my preferred pronouns (they,them) and it just kind of goes a way. I do some times feel like FAAB people have an easier time presenting androgyny but i quickly realize how problematic that is.
     
    #5 wannabemarco, Oct 19, 2014
  6. Kasey

    Kasey
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    If sex didn't matter we would choose our gender not our sex doing it for us. I'm perfectly fine being physically male but want to be female from a social perspective. Such as appearance and mannerisms and the ability to show emotions and be sensitive without the stigma that comes with being a man.

    Being born female biologically just magically makes it acceptable to actually be female. Yea that was a tautology...
     
    #6 Kasey, Oct 19, 2014
  7. thesonoferik

    thesonoferik
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    I identify as a woman, but share your apprehensions about transitioning. I feel like the modern technology available would leave me feeling like a cheap imitation. I'd be really happy if there was a way to swap bodies with a FtM.
     
    #7 thesonoferik, Oct 19, 2014
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