Recently, I have seen a couple of psychologists who specialize in gender dysphoria. They were assessing whether I was ready to enter the treatment stage. Apparently, I'm not. I'm actually surprised to find that I'm relatively ok with this because in spite of my dysphoria I don't feel ready myself. As long as I know that transitioning is an option in the future, I can handle my dysphoria for now. One of the things that came out of the assessment however was my choice of name. My birth name is definitively female. There is no male equivalent. A few months ago I chose the name 'Alex' as my new name. I haven't officially changed my name yet because I am still living with my family and I have to be careful not to upset them. They do not understand or support my decision to transition. The only people that I can rely on to call me by my new name and correct pronouns is my friend and my counsellor. It took a little getting used to this new name but it has grown on me. The problem is the gender psychologists did not approve because Alex is a gender ambiguous name. Apparently, my new name should be a male name and not a unisex one. One of them said that people will continue to call me by female pronouns long after I have transitioned if I stick with the name Alex. I worry that if I do make this my official name I won't pass the assessment for their treatment program in the future. I went back to the drawing board trying to come up with an alternative name but then I realized something. A male name does not match how I feel about my gender at the moment. It feels like a leap too far into the future. Who knows, maybe Alex won't suit how I feel in the future but it feels right for where I'm at now. Another thing is I can't look back to my past and think that I was a Ryan or a Ben anymore than I can look back on my past and think that I was my birth name. I can do this with Alex though. So my question is, should I take the advice of the specialists and pick a male name? Or should I stick with Alex, knowing there is a chance in the future that it might not feel right for me and people won't take me seriously as a man with that name? I suppose what it comes down to is whether I should focus on what feels right now or what I think will feel right in the future?
To me this was a process... having a name I cannot associate with... taking the first letter and making it a unisex version, jay... and meanwhile looking for a female name. There might be a few names you could look up... some choose popular names... some choose names they came by, through a story, a video... there are name sites with meanings and popularity... urbandictionary can be funny for associations, if you can ignore mean comments... Alex, or Alexander means defender and has an energy of somewhat of a fighter with it... something you could say in your favour... many FtM people choose Alex, just to mention, its one of the most popular names... diminuitives: Al, Alec, Sasha, Lex I thought of alexandra too, by the way... it has a lot of diminuitives... but I prefer a name with a bit more calm energy...
How do you feel with "Alexander"? ---------- Post added 10th Oct 2014 at 04:29 AM ---------- Actually Alex, could you explain the reasons your consellor doesn't want you going by something gender ambiguous? Would the dysphoria of people still using female pronouns for you not be part of/hinder the "transition experience"?
Jay777 - thanks for the suggestion Minnie - I have thought of Alexander being my name but just preferring to go by the name Alex. Maybe it's the 2 syllables that make it feel right because my birth name was two syllables? I don't know. The impression I got with regard to the name 'Alex' is that it doesn't make me trans or male enough which imho is complete and utter bs. To say these are the specialists, I was surprised how narrow minded they were in terms of gender expression. For example, I was told to put on a shirt and tie and enter a middle class establishment to see how I was perceived. I'm sorry but there are more ways to be a man than wearing a shirt and tie. Hell, my brother is a very manly man and NEVER wears shirts, or ties! I suspect if I was a man who wanted to paint my nails and wear dresses, I would not be deemed trans enough to be eligible for gender reassignment.
I think you should use whatever name you want. Refusing to accept a name because it's too ambiguous sounds a lot like gatekeeping, I didn't know therapists still did stuff like that (about names)
yeah these "specialists" are ridiculous. unfortunately isn't that how it kinda is when tryin to get thru the hoops to transition over there in the UK? like i mean they're more gender roley basically? (so like this is the NHS right? i mean i've read stuff here and there from trans people dealin with them over the years and like i said they seem gender roley and kinda transphobic. and i'm lookin them up and they seem kinda stupid lol. they say shit about T like "Your voice may also get slightly deeper, but it will not be as deep as other men’s voices." well that's a load of shit. ---and they say that your orientation may change after surgery lol and they don't even specify what surgery lol jesus i'm so sorry you have to go thru such a bullshit system. whether you're ready to transition or not, it is not a healthy system over there i think.) but anyway, i'm sure they'd love me. when i paint my nails it's usually a fabulous glitter of hot pink or sumthin, and i wear feminine sandals, and my name is Ruthven which i'm sure is too "unisex/ambiguous" or whatever for them. and i got on T yesterday and i'm sure they think i'm destined for disaster lol honestly, i really feel like anyone can be named whatever. names are names. i think, like clothes and everything, everyone needs to learn that they can be for whoever
Yes it is the NHS and I have heard all of those things about testosterone. To say they are the 'leading experts' so to speak who see people over the country, I was somewhat surprised at how narrow minded they were about gender, not to mention sexual orientation. I was asked 'How do you know you like women if you've never been in a relationship and don't have the sexual experience?' and 'Just because you like women doesn't mean you're a man.' Such dumb questions but because they have the experience and accreditation, you feel like they MUST be right about everything.
How strange, I simply removed the first two letters of my name to make it unisex and nobody's really had a serious issue. It's kinda bullshit a male can be born with the name Alex but it doesn't make sense for a trans male to have that name. It should be up to you. You should be allowed to be a male named Lillian or Jessica if that's what you want. It's silly that what you choose to call yourself should be such a huge deal. A name is a name.
