Trying to sort out my head

Everything is going to be ok. I assure you that you do have the confidence; you just have to believe that. The second thing I want you to know is that it is never too late to transition. Somewhere in the world a middle aged person is going into HRT or getting some type of surgery for the exact same reason. I know how it feels to wake up and think about transitioning and then think about it until my head hits the pillow again.

I also understand the coming out bit too. I'm not out to my parents, but my clothing choices probably leave them to suspect otherwise. I suggest the same to you. It'll make the coming out talk less out of the blue. Just find something gender neutral to wear if you can. Drop a hint here and there that you have interest in something women would take interest in.

I get that you don't want to be unemployed in your transition and that is smart. You should hold a job that you feel comfortable in because I'm not going to lie, transitioning will cost a pretty penny. However, if it's the issue of being known as one gender at a job and then having people recognize you as the other gender part that is unnerving to you I would find a more trans welcoming community for work.

It is a looooooooooong process, but you can do it. I know it seems impossible right now. I know it's incredibly cliché, but it does get better. The important thing is that you have found who you are. It is scary and it will be scary living in the trans world, but just remember how happy you will be if you live how you want. All the efforts will be worth it.

 

You might have a look at this:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony.../147192-transitioning-where-do-i-start.html#4

The transgender spectrum goes i.e. from people living with almost androgynous appearance, to styling more like the preferred gender, to taking hormones, etc.
Of course the list is not all possible options.
It's up to you to collect further information...

You might for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want.

I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision...
There is no only one right way to do this.
Its your choice what you want to do...

 

Sounds exactly like me. Just don't make the mistake I did and bottle it up or wait too long.
My father still, has flat up said he will never accept me as his daughter. It hurts but he still loves me, I think it's mostly ignorance, so I'm giving him time.

I wanted to have my own child too, but for religious reasons I did not think banking sperm and artificially inseminating a woman, IF I married a woman was right. I basically took it upon myself to think of myself as barren. I cried a lot, sometimes I still get down, but there are SO many children that need good parents, I could adopt and show them the SAME love I would have for 'my' own child.

It's scary, but think of yourself when older. How do you see yourself? The whole married thing and whatnot comes second, could you die as an old man?



EDIT:

Not that it matters much, but for myself, I envisioned marrying a woman and having a family. I was following the typical pipe dream. I was always more attracted to women but I think a lot of it was jealousy/envy.
I only in the past few years acknowledge I was bi. So at the time, I favoured women, but had no interest in vagina. I always joked they were scary, but really genitals didn't interest me. Though when it came to sex, I saw myself enjoying male genitalia more, and being the 'penetrator' didn't feel right.
Anyways, during transition I started to shift more towards guys.
If you had asked me 2-3 years ago who I saw myself marrying I would have given more of a 50/50 answer. 5 years ago I would have said female.
NOW, I can really only see myself marrying a man. I'm still bi, but I WANT to be the woman in the relationship. I think men and women have a good eb and flow, and so my heart actually changed over time and now I dream of marrying a man who sweeps me off my feet.

I still want a family,. but I can't get pregnant. But again, I can adopt, and who's to say my family is 'less' than another's?






I only added this because we sounded similar, and your orientation says questioning. Give it time, see a doctor, don't get pushed one way or the other, but be HONEST.
Being dishonest to myself made me transition late and I regret it big time. I was lucky I caught it in my 20's, but I really wish I was in highschool again and more adamant and aware of transgender issues.
Goodluck and God bless!

 

I can echo the sentiment of not bottling it up as DoriaN suggested. That's what I did, for almost 20 years and now I'm forced to deal with something that could really undermine my entire life. I'm married now and have been for several years. I'm also well along my way in my chosen career path. Both of those things have the potential to be destroyed by me finally facing something that I honestly should have dealt with many years ago.

I'm not suggesting you rush things or force things, but if you are having persistent desires to become a woman like I do, then burying those desires will not serve you. Yes there are very real consequences to deciding to be true to yourself but there is no greater misery than being someone you aren't (trust me, the depression you might be feeling about it now will only amplify as you grow older if you go into denial). Yes it might be difficult to find a job if you are openly transitioning, but there are a several states that have anti-discrimination laws preventing job discrimination based on gender identity. My state (Minnesota) is one of them.

I don't know how comfortable you feel with moving, but if the job aspect is one you are highly concerned about, it might be worth checking out the HRC website to find out which states protect transgender people from work discrimination.

with regards to your parents, I can empathize more than you can imagine. If you think they will have a hard time accepting it when you are still a teenager, imagine how much harder it would be if you were 30? or 40? In some ways, the sooner you tell them, the more time they will ultimately have to process it. I can't promise they will accept you or that they will be excited for you, but if you can muster the courage to do it when you are younger, it will be better for you in the long run.

Hormones are more effective at younger ages, there is greater potential to live a fuller life as a woman if you start earlier, and you have the potential to make more friends as a woman than you would if you waited until later in life. I'm saying these things because at the age of 28, almost 29, I'm wishing I would have started my transition 10 years ago and saved myself a lot of confusion and depression.

If you are afraid of how your parents will react, then maybe it would be better to wait a while to tell them. I don't want you to end up homeless, so it might just be worth it to wait until you are out on your own and don't directly rely upon them for your wellbeing and safety. Only you can know. Maybe just test the waters with them in the meantime by asking them what they think about transgender people or how they would react if they found out you were transgender. That might give you an opening to come out or it might show you that you should wait until a later time.

whatever you decide, good luck darling.
-Emma