So im part way through transitioning, ive had top surgery and have been on T for about 5 months. I started off identifying as genderqueer, then FTM which I came out as. I always knew that I didn't completely identify as male but close enough to the male end of the spectrum that I wanted to transition and use male pronouns. Now im fully out and use male pronouns but im starting to question whether or not that's really right for me. Im starting to think that im farther away from the male end of the spectrum than I thought and even that I might want to start using neutral pronouns instead. I always had pretty awful physical dysphoria and since ive had surgery and started hormones that has almost entirely gone away, I still want to continue hormones for the time being as I still want to appear more male physically, but im still stuck with the social dysphoria even though at least by people I know I am gendered male. As ive become more and more comfortable physically ive started to realize that my original identity as genderqueer or at least some version of non-binary was closer to who I am. I don't regret at all the transitions that ive made, im thrilled about being able to have top surgery and the changes from hormones. But how do I go about addressing this with my parents when they are only just starting to accept me as a straight male, when im not in fact straight or male? Also, does anyone know if there's a way to use hormones to transition to a more androgynous appearance? I know you cant really pick and choose what physical traits you gain but can you transition to a point and then drop your dose so you stay more androgynous? I know certain traits are irreversible but I don't wouldn't want to stop completely and then have traits I want revert back and then want to start up again, I don't think that would be very healthy. Is there anyone else out there who doesn't identify as male/female but wants to transition physically? I guess I could transition fully and then play with my presentation. Now that I right that im more drawn to that idea but I feel sort of guilty for pursuing a ftm transition path when thats really not what I am. Most non-binary folks I know only get top surgery at the most if their FAAB and either MAAB or FAAB don't pursue hormones. I know everyone is different but I guess I feel like by essentially transitioning to male but not being male sort of invalidates my queer identity. I guess Im just confused as to how to move forward with coming out as non-binary when ive already come and out mostly transitioned as ftm. :bang:
Hormones are weird, because you have your androgens and your estrogens, and everyone has both of these in differing amounts, and they tend to play up features and make you appear as one sex or the other. They're such messy business that I'm really not sure they could be used in a way to bring out the androgynous traits you want. You're probably best off talking with an endocrinologist. I'm in the same boat as you though, but a few steps back. I haven't been on hormones yet, or pursued surgery. But my dysphoria is so bad that I want to transition physically. I think I would be happier if I appeared more male, even though I don't feel fully male. My tentative plan is more or less to play around with presentation post-transition - at least I'll be more satisfied with my body than I am at the present, it'll be a better canvas for me.
I'm in a similar position. I've been on hormones for two and a half years, and I had top surgery a year ago. I've decided to get bottom as well, or at least some of it.
I like the idea of a more male body as a better canvas, I feel the same way. Ive always wanted to play around with genderfuck and all but have never felt comfortable with it unless I was more male physically. I guess im really worried about stigmatization from the trans community as someone transitioning from ftm but not identifying as male. thoughts?
I like the idea of a more male body as a better canvas, I feel the same way. Ive always wanted to play around with genderfuck and all but have never felt comfortable with it unless I was more male physically. I guess im really worried about stigmatization from the trans community as someone transitioning from ftm but not identifying as male. thoughts?
You might have a look at this: http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/care.../hospital_services/Documents/hormones-FTM.pdf and this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anonymous-gender-identity-expression/149111-am-i-ftm.html#3 You might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want. Please be gentle with yourself. Sometimes its necessary to go in a certain direction to be able to see where you stand... sometimes other parts come to the foreground... its all a process.
I feel the same way, but its more like I know my body is supposed to be male because that's how I see myself in my head, but I still don't feel like I have completely male identity, because I feel more neutral, or not really like anything.but Don't let other people's ideas of how your body should be, stop you doing what you want. Its not their business. There is a really good video on you tube talking about how you're mind can want one thing and your body another, but I'm not sure if I can forward it to you hence the rules. :icon_redf. ---------- Post added 16th Oct 2014 at 04:45 PM ---------- ok so I don't know how to put up the link but his channel is queerbtw and the video is called Genderless. he also does a bit of vlogging, wich could be useful for you
