I think I've taken a very, very bad approach. I made a deal with myself that at home and going out shopping and what not I can dress like a guy. However, at school there are a ton of judgmental people that wouldn't understand, so I dress according to my biological gender (female). It is so stressful that I'm starting to feel like I'm a different person when a dress like a guy and another person when I'm dressing like a girl. I don't even bind when I go to school in fear that someone will somehow figure it out or ask why my chest is suddenly flat. I'm the most dysphoric I ever am at school. I hate being out into groups by gender. I avoid the bathrooms. Whenever my friends catch on to my weirdness about bathrooms I just say I don't like the public bathrooms because of their possible germs. Do any of you have any ideas about how to relieve some of my dysphoria? I just haven't been feeling like myself lately. I don't know what to do to be myself, but not confuse everyone. I also told myself not to transition until after high school, but it's too hard. I thought about asking my parents to let me be homeschooled online so I can start to transition, but I don't know how to bring it up to her. I'm too scared of being shut down or coming out. What do you think?
I am absolutely new here and don't have much experience but the only thing I can tell is high school is 4 years of pretension. almost everybody is lying or pretending to be something they are not. think of the time you spend at school as being involved in a play or drama. your character in school is that of your biological gender; and when you are outside you can be who you are. I totally understand that this may sound cruel but it is one option. think of it as a challenge to provide a tony worthy performance. I hope you get some reprieve. I am sorry if I am not of much help.
I tried and it just wouldn't click. It feels like I'm playing a character that's trans everyday. That's more related to the fact that I'm not out to my parents. I'm tired of pretending. Thank you for the advice, though. It did help me calm down to bring things back down to Earth.
