I'm starting to feel strange about everything lately... I was looking at my check book for a deposit slip when it hit me. My full birth name emblazoned across the top of the slip spelled out in full display. And for a brief moment I said "Who?"... In all honesty I have no idea how to feel about that, it's still the name I use in public. It's what I'm now sadly known by at my new job. (Not much I can do about any of that) So what do I do about this? I don't know how to feel anymore, I didn't feel dysphoric about using my birth name before... I used to actually like it too cause it's my dad's name... Now it just feels like a lie... I dunno what to do... It feels like staring at this name is poison now... I don't want that... What can I do?
This actually brings up an interesting phenomenon. The farther from when I came out and transitioned I get the more it feels like I lived two separate lives in one lifetime. I jokingly refer to the person I was as "my dead cousin". It really does feel strange to encounter old fragments of that past.
i definitely get it. before i started really using my chosen name, i didn't really have a problem with my birth name. now it feels foreign when i read or hear it. it doesn't quite click that it's me. it's strange.
I agree with this. I saw somebody that I had not seen in years the other day and they called me by my birth name. I was really confused, and I asked if they were talking to me. The only thing that has helped me with this is more distance from my previous name. As time goes on, less and less people know me by my birth name, so that solves the issue for me.
