So I've finally come out to myself. There's no more doubt and no more denial. I'm a transguy. I've just been enjoying the sudden lack of uncertainty about my gender, but now I've got a whole lot of concerns. I'm gonna try and be somewhat organised, but sorry if it doesn't work. - Name. I actually chose my name (Oliver James) years ago when I first started questioning and I'm happy with it. I've always hated my birth name so I'm not upset about losing it, but I'm wondering about getting used to being called Oli(ver) It sounds nothing like my birth name, so it's going to be weird. How long did it take you to adjust? Did you have to choose a different name or something because you couldn't adjust? - Exercise. I naturally have quite wide hips, so I'm going to be needing to do something about them if I want to pass, especially pre-t. I've heard that building shoulder and oblique muscles helps to reduce curves and I was wondering if anyone has any tips for using exercise to pass. - Hair. 16 years of long hair and fringes don't exactly leave me with a lot of knowledge about short haircuts and barbers. What did you do for your first guy haircut? Where did you go and what did you ask for? Were you happy with it or did it take time for you to get it how you wanted it? Can anybody recommend any styles or tell me what kind of things to avoid pre-t to help with passing? (I know some styles can just make you look like a butch woman and things like that) - Relationships. People are pretty cruel about guys with small penises, so what are they gonna say about a guy with no penis? I'm really scared about being unattractive because of this one thing, but there's not a lot anyone can do to help me there, I guess I just needed to say it. I'm pansexual, so I may end up dating a cisguy, but I prefer to be the "top" in the relationship and I don't know how well that would work, not even sexually, just in general, if I'm shorter, scrawnier and generally softer. Chances are that he would be too big and I'd be to weak to literally sweep him off his feet or do anything cute like that. Are there are any guys out there in this kind of a relationship that can offer some advice or experiences? - Voice. I have a high voice and pre-t there is absolutely no way that I can pass with it. I could literally have a fully functioning penis and not pass with this voice. Does anyone have any advice on lowering it? I've been trying to talk along with guys on videos and stuff, but I can't get past this monotone and I don't even get that low. Do I just need to keep going with it, do you think, or is there something else I could be doing? Anyway, those are the things that come to mind right now. I think it was relatively organised, but it was longer than I expected, so sorry for that! Thanks if you managed to read through it all :lol:
As far as your relationship concerns go, just don't worry about it. I'm fairly big (6' 1") and at one point I was dating someone who was SMALL (4'9", FAAB, non-binary). They where perfectly capable of topping. It's all about communication just like everything else.
Here are some links on passing: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gende...pful-informative-threads-gender-identity.html
wannabemarco: I'm 5'6", so it definitely makes me feel better to hear about the 4'9" person you dated. Thanks! jay777: There's so much there! Thanks so much- I bet it'll answer pretty much all of my questions. I didn't realise how much I was asking about passing when I posted!
Coming out to yourself is the hardest thing. It literally took 10 minutes to verbalize "I'm transgender" even though I had accepted it mentally. Congratulations bro! Also I'm 6'1... that's not quite standard female height. It's only exacerbated when I wear heels.
Name: You were pretty smart to incorporate your new name into your EC name. I did the same thing and signing in with it helps to associate with it more. I thought I would have a harder time adjusting to "Ralph" because it was so different compared to my birth name. Exercise: I haven't heard anything about the exercise you mentioned, but I'll do more research. I have really wide hips and it's extremely hard for me to pass wearing certain pants. I'm glad you mentioned this! Hair: I went into a local hair place and took a picture of Ginnifer Goodwin with a pixie cut. Overall I was pretty happy with it and all the women in my family thought it looked sooooo good. When I went back to get it trimmed, I had the lady cut it shorter than she did before and it looked like an actual guy hair cut. Relationships: This is something I have struggled with too. I used to get super upset about the fact that I might not ever find "the one" because of my issue downstairs. I discovered that there are actually a lot of options. I, personally, don't feel like I need bottom surgery. However that is an option for some people, but there are certain packers that you can use during "fun time"(don't laugh!) that both of you should be feeling something with. I also told myself that if any guy is worth my time, he will accept me for what I have and don't have and my parts won't define our relationship. Voice: If you decide to go on T that will do the trick in a heartbeat. Otherwise, you can change your voice with training. Just speak quieter and that should allow your voice to deepen more. Don't go too low or it'll be obvious that you're trying. There are voice training videos on YouTube if you need help.
Name: It didn't take much time for me to adjust, so it wasn't a problem for me. I only went back and forth on my middle name; but it wasn't much. Exercise: I don't know too much about building muscle, so I can't comment much. I'd say check out scooby1961's youtube channel for workout ideas. As far as reducing curves, spot reduction is a myth--so there's no specific workout routine to target that spot. Hair: I did what my fiance did when he got his hair cut. I brought in a picture of Gerard Way and told the person that's what I was aiming for. I went to a place I've gone much of my life, so it was weird not being out to anyone. It was a dramatic change since I had medium-long hair most of my life as well. It was quite the change, but I got used to it quick and the buzz fuzz feeling was really nice. Regarding "passing" cuts and styles, there are some styles that compliment the face better than others--but I don't know those off the top of my head. I'd say look around online for pictures you like and go from there. Relationships: The people you'll find will surprise you. I thought I'd be unwanted for being queer, but I found someone who completes me and loves me unconditionally--not giving a damn that I'm trans or anything like that. Love will find you in the oddest of places, man. Voice: There's a few techniques. One is called "Boom Your Voice" which you can learn about on Youtube. I'd put this as a last resort since too much of it can hurt your vocal cords. Two things I recommend is practice by singing songs by artists you like an octave or so lower or speaking from your chest. It's hard to describe how to do that, but you'll figure it out. If you have a background in theater, you might know how to do this already.
