High testosterone and forcing estrogen on FTMs

So the results for my blood test came in.

They said I have very high testosterone possibly caused by polycystic ovaries.

So my dad got all excited, saying how the doctors could "fix" my by giving me anti-androgens and estrogen.

And my mom told me "well, if the doctor reccomends it.."

I'd rather die than take estrogen. If my body becomes any more feminine I will surely kill myself after some time.

I was so happy yesterday, dressing how I want and feeling like the amazing (and admittedly a bit too flamboyant haha) gay guy I am.

Now my family is so excited about "fixing" me.
If they force me to be a girl, I don't think I can take it.. I will break. I will fight as hard as I can to not take estrogen.


Someone take me out of this nightmare called "life"

---------- Post added 22nd Oct 2014 at 03:20 AM ----------

Ah, let me tell you what I told my dad just now. It's good.

"Imagine you are in the doctor's office, and they give you an injection. You feel perfectly fine when you go home, until you notice your face is becoming more feminine. You watch in horror as your body looses muscle mass, and you start growing hips like a woman. You start to cry; you can't help it, your emotions are everywhere now. And then you notice, you start growing breasts! How would you feel?!"

Hopefully that made him think.

 

Estrogen will not make me feel better. It will feminize the very androgynous features I am proud to have, it will make my chest even bigger, and overall make my body more feminine. I have enough crippling dysphoria as it is.

My family has been convinced that having high testosterone can somehow make a cis-female want to be a man.
I know this is wrong; even my therapist shook her head and said "no, that's not true.."
But I somehow cannot convince my family (especially my mother) this.

I WILL NOT have estrogen no matter what they say. They'd have to hold me down and force me, which hopefully they cannot do.

 

The only thing is, I CAN'T start T.

My family is ignorant, as you have read. There's no way they'd let me start T.
So therefore I'd be stuck with the feminizations the estrogen will give me, until I am able to move out of my parent's home.

That is a really big deal.

 

In that case I'd not have as much of a problem with it, knowing I'd be going on T later.

But definitely nothing now. At all.

 

He seemed to be a bit shocked at first, but then showed no response and carried on with his fucking happy life.

 

I don't understand. Why do they need to give you estrogen when your trans?

 

Code:

My parents strongly believe that me being trans is caused by my high levels of testosterone and possible polycystic ovaries.

---------- Post added 22nd Oct 2014 at 06:15 AM ----------

So anyways, I have decided something.

I must admit, I have been pretending that I am still confused (or more like, avoiding telling my family that I am not confused). I have been doing this because if I even mention mysekf being trans, they practically tell me I'm not and that I don't know what I'm talking about.
This of course, has resulted in them thinking that I am simply going through gender confusion.

I have decided I will try my best to be open with them, no matter what they say.
I will completely come out. I will show them that I am unwavering.

 

I live in North Carolina, USA

My mother told me that since I am a minor, they can force me to take estrogen.

 

^ NO NO NO NO NO do NOT threaten to kill yourself. Trust me, you don't want to be labeled mentally unstable. I've never threatened to kill myself in front of a psychiatrist, but I HAVE gone through some scary mental health stuff - and believe you me, you do NOT want that to happen to you. It'll just make your life 1000000x harder.

Perhaps you should try writing a letter to your parents, fully explaining your situation (that's actually what I'm doing right now). Or you can ask the doctor(s) what the potential consequences of your NOT taking estrogen may be, so that you can gauge whether it might be beneficial, health-wise, to take it.

Do not threaten to kill yourself. Do not self-harm. Do not ACTUALLY kill yourself. Been there, done that…. and trust me, there's always something to live for - even when it seems like there isn't.

 

@NingyoBroken

Yeah - like @IS92, I feel like talking to the pater and mater is the best option here. They sound like they're not really transphobic - just a little ignorant. If you clearly explain everything, and provide solid evidence that you really ARE a transgender male, then perhaps they'll listen to you and not force you to take estrogen.

(Also, I used to live in NC! I've still got a slight drawl, much to the delight of my friends over here. They just loooove to imitate it -_-)