What does dysphoria feel like for you?

Height is my biggest cause of my physical dysphoria, then my chest. I always used to say 'my body is more of a woman than I am'.

What's worst for me though is my social dysphoria, I absolutely hate being gendered.

 

I feel like I'm really lucky to be so skinny and feminine looking already. ^.^

But I'm like 6,2 X'(
I wish I could be short. NOTHING fits

 

Omg yes!!!

 

Physical mental and social.


I'm tall, mesomorph, and have some sharp face features that I might fix with FFS. I'm 5'11" height but coming to terms with that. My fingers were always lady-like but my palms are a little on the larger than I would like side.

Past the basics I think I also have a lot going for me physically, but my shoulders and face are my biggest concerns. I mean, besides my lower half. I don't /mind/ male genitalia, it's mostly just a tool to me, but I despise the bulge. There shouldn't be anything there. Why is there a mound? Why is there an outdent? Just why? Something's not right.

I also always felt I had a phantom chest.

See this picture of me?
http://i.imgur.com/6sszsVl.jpg

I thought I was fat and had 'manboobs'.


Looking back at myself, sometimes I feel I make a more attractive male then female, but at the time I felt nothing less than ugly Dx


Mentally, I'm still coming to terms that I'm a woman, and a transsexual. I'm transitioning, but I haven't 100% fully accepted myself, and it causes dysphoria and anxiety feelings when in public or conversation.

Socially, any time gender roles or segregation is present I have anxiety dysphoria etc.
I start sweating, getting nervous, getting depressed, worried, neurotic, etc.
Having to do male things or be associated as male gives me great discomfort overall.

I could really go on to list everything that gives me dysphoria or issues but these are the main points.

Oh, I also have/had nightmares about having body hair, even before I fully knew I was trans I had nightmares. I also had dreams where I was female and shopping and being a girl and those dreams always made me super happy, again before I knew I was trans.

 

It used to be bad and I'd think of all sorts of my physical features. Height, face, shoulders, genitals, voice and other things. Now that I'm transitioning its definitely gotten better and a lot of the time I'm not even thinking about it. Usually now dysphoria just comes from my voice and being misgendered. Usually I'm misgendered because my ID says I'm male still so I get a lot of Mr. Kelsey on governent stuff or like today with my glasses. Its usually OK though cause almost every time I ask them to change my title in the system they do which is nice.

I suppose I went off on a tangent. Its usually just the misgendering and voice that cause dysphoria for me now. The voice is usually on the phone, when I'm in person people either don't gender me or usually give me a Ms., rarely Mr. but it does happen

 

I'm 4'11". Yeahhhhhh it sucks

 

Sometimes it isn't a focal point of my life, because I have other things going on. I've had to condition myself in the idea of, even if I am feeling dysphoric, indulging in that will do little to allow me, to complete my job, drive a car, tend to bills and other responsibilities. However, when I am alone, it can creep up, because I may not have anything to focus on.

For me, it feels similar to wearing a costume. You can still do what you want, and need to; you can see, feel, hear, and move about, but there is still someone -- the real you -- underneath it all. You can talk, and tell people who is there, but it is hidden behind a 'costume', something that isn't totally reflective of you. Even if you touch somebody, you're barricaded by this costume, while the actual flesh is just underneath.

What, usually, triggers my dysphoria, is just seeing women, out and about, embracing themselves, and I zone out. For a moment or two, I sort of become that woman, if that makes any sense. Also, when a group of women, are out and about, and just being themselves, it can really make me feel alienated and frustrated; I might think, that could be me... why isn't it me?

My body, itself, doesn't trigger dysphoria. But that is because, I've gotten used to it, for the most part. I feel like a spy, LOL. I perceive my biological body, as a curiosity of sorts. That has probably helped me out, in more ways than one, I am sure. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't trade my body, for the appropriate bodily frame and features. I mean, I have to take care of this body, or else, what will I have for my desired body?

 

chest, genitals, curves (hips, waist, ect.) and social stuff. I despise my birth name and female pronouns being used as well.

 

I get dysphoria over my height, chest and voice a lot. I rarely talk because of it. And I'd kill to even be 5'3". I really hate being 5'1". No one takes you seriously when you're 5'1". :bang:
But, that said, most of my dysphoria is social. If I hear the words "girl it up" one more time, I swear....:tantrum:

 

ugh, i can relate to all of you. my height (i'm 5'3"), my chest (it's small but it's still there), my voice (i'm a cashier, i have to hear my own voice all day), genitals... and especially the simple fact that i'm 18, done growing, and me passing as a boy means me passing exclusively as like, a ten year old boy, maybe. i just have such a babyface, and these awful naturally tiny, light, and high-up eyebrows. plus, sorry to get all PG-13, but... i live with my boyfriend, and so we see a lot of each other, and on most days i'm fine but sometimes just seeing what he has reminds me of what i don't and it's just... sad.

beyond that my job always ticks me off. i can wear a binder and do my face and wear my man-pants and it still won't do anything for me because i still have a nametag. i can take it off, of course, but i stil get a bunch of "thank you ma'am"s from customers, and it's just a fun little reminder of how un-passable i am up close.

 

I seem to not think myself as anything, most of the time. I realize I'm a woman - biologically - and am pretty happy with that about 90% of the time. There are moments when male genitalia ideas crawl into my head but, truthfully, I waver from obsessive moments to just living life.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that my body doesn't really affect the way I feel, when I'm feeling manly and not womanly.

 

I'm the same. I'm bi, but I'm thinking of almost exclusively being with men so I feel reassured as 'the woman'. I don't want to feel like some sort of imitation or lesser gender.
It sounds silly and maybe even petty, but if love happens it'll happen, but for now I want to be with a gender that compliments my own, not reflects it.