Confidence, coming out, and being worn out

Today was the first day that I looked completely male and went to school. I just got to the point where just binding throughout the day wasn't cutting it. I actually felt really good about it and wasn't as anxious as I predicted. In fact, a lot of my friends complimented me! That boosted my confidence at light speed. I think I'm just going to start dressing like a guy and not worry about it. No one questioned me at all and it felt so good not being uncomfortable in clothes that didn't feel right. Still, they were girl clothes that looked super guyish. I need to work on getting actual guy clothes!

I'm getting close to the point where I think I might come out. I've only been consciously aware of being trans for a very short time, but I feel like I've known all along that I'm a guy. It just feels right and I'm getting tired of hiding in the cramped, dark closet. I'm scared though because I don't know how my mom feels about gender issues, but I'm at the point where I don't really care what she thinks. I'll answer any question she has to throw at me. I just want it off my chest (pun intended).

Have any of you been so wrapped up in hiding yourself (doesn't matter how you identify) that you are physically and mentally tired? That's how I'm starting to feel. Sometimes it makes me so angry that this can rule over my life so much. I'm so sick of thinking about it all the time and when I say all the time I'm not exaggerating. I just want five seconds where I'm not thinking about how uncomfortable I feel in my body. No matter what I do that is typical of a guy (bind, pack, not shave, etc.) it always feels like I'm girl compressing her chest, walking around with a foreign object between her legs, and being unhygienic. The only thing I did that I haven't felt guilty about is cutting my hair like a guy.

 

Yay! Once, one of my female friends jokingly called me "handsome" - that was the highlight of my day :icon_wink

But yeah, none of my friends are weirded out, as far as I know - and it's great that your friends aren't, either!

 

That's funny because one of my friends jokingly called me sir and it felt like I had been waiting eternities for someone to say that whether they were joking or not.

---------- Post added 23rd Oct 2014 at 06:56 AM ----------

I hope they keep it up too. I felt like I accomplished something really big!