I think I might be genderfluid or bigender

There are so many varying ways to gender express, there's no rule saying that you MUST be male or female.

I was going to suggest cross-dressing but you've already gone that route. If you are still very confused, I would suggest seeing a gender/sexuality therapist. A regular therapist may be able to help but they may not be able to give you guidance within yourself in that respect.

I'm currently seeing one and I am slowly opening myself up to the possibility of transgenderism or genderfluidness (both are a bit different from each other). I'd say check this place out, it has given me some great guidance.

Gender Therapists for Transgendered, Transsexual and Crossdressers: Psychologists

 

You sound almost exactly like me, minus the FTM transformation. Bigender is more of male, female or both. And genderfluid you just kinda float around on the gender spectrum (that's the best way I can explain it.) Anyway, I can't really crossdress as a guy either because I'm so small and feminine looking, it sucks sometimes but normally I feel female or agender. So I get how you feel. I'd say you sound genderfluid to me, but you should maybe also check out genderfuck/genderbender (yes that's a gender, and when I was figuring it out people suggested looking at those). I hope this helped some how and if you want someone to talk to feel free to talk to me! ^^

 

Bear in mind, guys don't have to be "tough". They can be sensitive and/or feminine. They can be small or skinny, or pretty. Self confidence is pretty key though, I'd say. Be yourself, whatever that may mean, and own it. It also helps if you can find guys who are more accepting of the various ways gender can be presented, of course; there are a lot of close minded people out there, sadly. I agree with Poppy's gender therapist recommendation. It's helped me through some of the same questions. It helps just to say your thoughts out loud sometimes. And there's always us if you need someone to vent to or talk with

 

Whoa, this sounds like me!~ I go through days of being feminine, then masculine, some days I feel like both and other days I feel like neither.
I also have the whole FtM aspect going on and I nearly did go through with the whole process but I couldnt shake off the feeling of the few feminine aspects that I liked about myself.

That's why I call myself a GQ (just an umbrella term for us non-binary peeps although specifically I identify as Genderfluid) T-Gent because I am a transgender male.
I dress adrogynously and I look androgynous too and that's how I express my gender most days.
Everything pretty much depends on you and how you feel comfortable and it took me a while to build my masks around those who hate/or make scathing remarks and I've just learned to mind my own happiness.

I suck at explaining :c....but I hope I made sense. *thumbs up*

 

For clothing, you might have a look at this:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/155734-ftm-shopping.html

 

Where do you live? You may be able to join a free therapy group / discussion group to hear other people. I go to one where I live and it helps give me clarity and guidance. I do tend to dress androgynously and also very feminine. I do think you sound like me, and I'm beginning to identify as genderqueer/genderfluid.