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I just... I'm kind of scared.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Howl, Oct 23, 2014.

  1. Howl

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    I'm not really sure how to say this, but here: I don't want to be a girl.

    My parents know that I'm a lesbian, but I don't know how I would bring up the subject that I don't like being a girl.

    Today, we were out shopping, and I was looking for jeans. My mom was helping me, and she was looking at women's jeans. No big deal. I asked if we could look in the men's section, and she said no. Then I asked if we could just go, since we had what we originally came for and she just kept bugging me, "What's the matter?"
    I said nothing was wrong and she finally gave up and left. We paid, and we walked out to the car. As we were driving away, I had the overwhelming feeling that I wanted to cry. My mom asked me what was wrong, then asked if it was something she did. I denied there was anything wrong, then said, "No, it isn't you. You didn't do anything. I have a problem with myself. It's me," and she said what was wrong, and I just shook my head.
    I had an opportunity to tell her, but I didn't. I was too... terrified.
    I was terrified of what she'd think.
    The part where I started crying was when she said, "You're a beautiful girl and you're so smart. Don't hate yourself," or something.
    It makes me want to cry each time I think about my feelings.
    My mom buys me nice, tight and girly clothes, and I feel obligated to wear them but I feel super uncomfortable. I told her a while ago; "I'm so sorry, I know you wanted a girl," and we hugged and cried for the longest time. She said that she doesn't care and loves me the way I am.
    But I don't know how she'll react if I tell her. She's fine with me liking girls. She's fine with me looking like a boy, but it bothers her when people call me a guy. She hates it. And I'm scared that she'll be angry with me if I tell her that I don't want to be a girl anymore.

    I'm terrified, and I don't know what to do. ;-;
     
  2. laut

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    I'd recommend getting involved with the transgender community. That's really helped me when I was questioning my gender, just researching, reading people's stories, learning about identities and learning that this is a thing and it's ok.
    (*hug*)
     
  3. Howl

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    I'll check it out. Thanks, Laut.
     
  4. jay777

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    (*hug*)
    First off, you are not alone.

    there are a few helpful links...
    I'd say take your time to go through them...

    http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/DOH-Assets/pdf/doh-transgender-experiences.pdf

    They talk of it having biological causes. meaning its not just a whim ...
    What I do not like is on page 7 talking about stress... this is not what all people have experienced, and some experience relief...

    and this, if you have not already:
    https://sait.usc.edu/lgbt/files/PFLAG Coming Out As Trans.pdf

    I cannot tell you what to do since you know the people involved best... so its your decision.
    I would show the first leaflet and the first page of the second leaflet...
    but take your time...

    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony.../147192-transitioning-where-do-i-start.html#4
    There are many further threads in the gender idendity section, for example...

    You might think about counseling, with a gender therapist, for example, or someone from an lgbt center... saying you want some counseling...


    We're all here to support you... just ask...

    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
     
    #4 jay777, Oct 23, 2014
    Last edited: Oct 23, 2014
  5. BradThePug

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    There is nothing wrong with being scared, I think that we all have been there at some point or another while coming out. You don't want to be too hard on yourself. It's a big thing to even consider telling her how you feel.

    My mom used to be the same way sometimes. She would force me to shop in the womens section before I came out, and then she would wonder why I was so down about things. From that questioning, it sounds like she knows that something is up. If you are not ready to fully come out to her yet, you could always frame it as "you want to wear clothing that is more natural to you" or something along those lines.

    You're in a hard place right now, but you are doing the best thing that you can be, which is asking for help and support. Stay strong, and I wish you the best in you continuing coming out journey :slight_smile:
     
  6. Unkempt Harold

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    Maybe she hates you being called a guy because she thinks it's rude? Maybe If she knew you were a guy shed go "oooooh" and start getting mad a people that called you he instead ^.^
     
  7. Owl333

    Owl333 Guest

    Yeah, if she thinks you identify as a lesbian, she'll probably think you find it insulting to be called a man. It's OK to be scared, it's scary. Just make sure you do what's right for you. (*hug*)
     
  8. Howl

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    Thanks for all the support, guys. I really do appreciate it. (&&&)

    I came out to my mom and dad through a letter a couple days ago. Sunday night. I gave it to them then went and had a shower (xD) and when I came back out, my mom just looked at me and gave me a look that said, "Am I supposed to be surprised?" and she said she was totally fine with it and that she loves me and will support me as best she can. I love her to death for that. My dad didn't speak to me much that night, but according to my mom he's fine with it, too. He's joking around and speaking with me a lot again, which is great. Now I'm just worried to bring up starting anything. (testosterone, binders, ect., ect..) But I'm not going to worry about that right now. I'll talk to her about it soon.
    Though one thing that annoys me is she keeps telling me that I'm just like her and that I'll probably grow out of it (Mom it isn't a phase. -.-) and stuff. But whatever. She'll be proved wrong in the long run. x3
     
    #8 Howl, Nov 4, 2014
    Last edited: Nov 4, 2014
  9. iiimee

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    Good for you! I'm sorry I couldn't offer support, but reading what happened and just you feelings made me feel so happy! I was born a girl myself, but in my eyes I was always a guy, so why does it matter if my lower zone is different? People in this world need to realize not everyone is simly "male" or "female" and that male or female can't just be decided by birth!
     
  10. Howl

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    It's fine, iiimee. Glad I could make you happy. <3
    Yeah, I've always seen myself as a guy. When I was a few years younger, I wanted to get into makeup and stuff, just to try and fit in and stop being bullied by everyone. But I was so uncomfortable, so I stopped. I cut my hair a few months ago, really short, and I dress like a guy now. I'm comfortable, except I feel dysphoria quite often about my body and stuff, but I can't really do/afford anything right now.
    And I completely agree with you that people need to start opening their eyes to the fact that there's no solid male or female people. There can be those people in between, or neither (etc.,) and they need to stop discriminating and hating.
     
  11. elliot96

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    This thread really hit home. I know exactly how you feel and how much all of that can hurt. I'm so so glad that everything turned out okay, and I wish you all the happiness in the world.