My anger about being trans has flared up again recently. I don't know what to do with it. It's eating me up. Any advice on how to deal with it?
Hmmm. Having a good way to vent without breaking anything helps. I have a friend with HORRIBLE anger issues. It'll flair up bad when we're playing video games. What we do for him is we all stop playing games and go do something else, like watch a movie or play minecraft ^.^ So, I recommend when you get mad that you go grab one of your friends to hang out with >_>
channel the anger into something productive or artistic. When I feel really angry or depressed I write poetry. I also used to paint or draw in order to exorcize the emotions. I find the artistic expression to really relieve the emotions and helps me deal with them in a positive way just a thought. do you ever do anything artistic? it might help to start ---------- Post added 27th Oct 2014 at 12:25 PM ---------- alternatively, I have an online journal/blog where I write about what I'm going through. That has really helped. makes it easy to process what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it so I can sort of work through it. otherwise, seeing a therapist might do a world of good (if you aren't already)
I used to be very much into art but I never used it as a way to express emotion. How would I do that? As for writing about my emotions, I'm still learning. :icon_redf I'm embarrassed to say at the age of almost 27 that it's only been a few months since I was first able to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) to express my emotions. When I first tried just over a year ago, all I came up with was hollow meaningless words and it still feels like that often. I don't know if it's because I could be on the autistic spectrum (waiting to be tested) and have difficulty processing emotions or whether it's something I'm just not used to dealing with. At any given time, I can cut off emotionally so I'm left only with intellect and logic. I hate living like this. I want to be a real human being with feeling and emotion, not some fucking robot. This is why I struggle to get the anger out, because I struggle to feel. It just eats away at me in the background while I'm dealing with things in a practical, logical and intellectual manner. I need to be able to connect with my emotions to get them out but for some reason I can't. I'm still working this out with the help of my therapist but progress is slow.
Why not? I mean obviously you don't just want to go around breaking shit because that's generally frowned upon but. Breaking things is an incredible experience. When I am able to, I find it to be remarkably freeing, so much so that I'd say it's hands down one of my favorite ways to deal with pent up anger. I'm not talking about vandalism or general destruction, I wouldn't recommend that. But when I was in school, we used to have like a big area outside of our art department where the ceramics kids would dump broken projects or things they didn't want to keep, and you bet I raided it for things that were smashable. When they accumulated they were just carted off en masse to the dumpster anyway - as far as I'm concerned, that's more of a waste. There's a group in America somewhere, not sure exactly where (I saw it on tv) where some people formed an anger management group that meets the same way every time. They'll pick up a junked car from a scrap yard, and they all take turns smashing it with a sledgehammer. They always leave happier. You could smash a watermelon with a sledgehammer. Like Gallagher. Obviously, breaking any sort of things should be done safely and in a specified area, and you should clean up afterwards because leaving broken things lying around is shitty, especially in public spaces where people could get hurt. And you never ever ever want to take your anger out physically on people or animals, because that's even shittier. But I guess what I'm saying is, breaking things can be a viable way to deal with anger, if it's done properly and safely and you're not hurting yourself or anyone else. I'm not sure if you're familiar with the artist Jackson Pollock. Pollock was an incredibly angry man. His art was made primarily by him flinging paint about and because of that it looks like this. Obviously, it's non-representational. Some people would call it anything but art. But it is a valid method of expressing emotion (anger) via artistic means (paint and canvas). Art doesn't have to be pretty. It doesn't have to look like anything. If you're getting your feelings out in a controlled way, then it's not wrong. Maybe you're not into throwing paint. maybe you prefer to use a brush, maybe your paintings would look more like this. Just a lot of bold brush strokes over and over. The repetition might help alleviate some anger. If you want to try and express your feelings through art, and you're just looking for something cathartic, then it's more about the act of doing than it is about the final results. Just pick some colors based on color theory and go to town. ^ I'm talking about this right here... When it comes down to it, I think dealing with anger really is about the act of doing something. You could take up an instrument. I like the drums personally, playing the drums gives me a similar feeling to flat out breaking things when I'm angry, and keeping rhythm is soothing. Some people work out when they're angry, channeling their anger into their routine. Some people clean. Some people play video games - sometimes that works for me, other times it's too sedentary of an activity. I find that the less you move, the less something will help you handle your anger. Writing doesn't work for me, but it probably works for some people - I'm not good at expressing myself in words.
Thanks for the suggestions. Perhaps it's because I trained as an artist and can't imagine producing something that wouldn't be considered 'art' once it's finished regardless of how it looks but the idea of throwing paint around etc doesn't appeal to me. It's too premeditated, too controlled. Breaking stuff though, that sounds about right. I will have to see what I could break and find somewhere safe to carry it out.
Check scrapyards. Or dig through the trash for broken things people are tossing. I'm a habitual garbage picker - both for things to break, and for things to fix. Most of my furniture is stuff other people were tossing. Be careful with old tvs though - they're horribly dangerous to break. There's also these things marketed that are like voodoo dolls that you're meant to beat up on when you're angry. If nothing else, it might do something for you, particularly if you can't find things to break or safe places to break them. You just swing the dolls around and hit them off of stuff.
Well there is still that old punch and shout into the pillow thing... I would not overdo it, as to not go into a fit... and don't hurt yourself maybe over time you can handle some relaxation techniques, and meditation... where you dissolve anger...
Definitely don't lose your head letting your anger out, and stay safe. And once you've let some of it out and you're calmer, I agree, some meditation techniques might help, if you are up for trying them. I used to meditate more frequently, and I'm trying to get back into it. It helps a lot. There's about a billion guided meditations up on youtube that are easy enough to follow if you have no experience.
So having given this some thought, the recycling and landfill dump is too far away for me to be able to transport stuff back to my house without transport and even then, because it isn't my house my parents are not going to be too happy with me smashing stuff up at home. The garden is my mum's, the garage is my dad's. I don't even have the freedom to do what I want in my own room because as my mum keeps pointing out, it's her house and she wants it to look a certain way. Thanks for the suggestion, but shouting and punching isn't really my style. I really feel like I would just love to take a hammer or any kind of instrument really and smash something to pieces. I just don't have a space that's safe enough to carry it out. Maybe I'll have to find less aggressive ways to let my anger out. :-/ I have already found it really beneficial to be able to just be able to tell you all that I'm angry and have you accept that without telling me that it's wrong or unjustified. That's really liberating. My family can never accept my anger, even when it's not directed at them. My mum will say 'Well how do you think I feel when...(blah blah blah)' or 'You're upsetting me! I'm going to cry now!' I have realized that I have spent a lifetime stifling all of my negative feelings to spare hers without even knowing it.
Maybe it's because I've been dealing with anger forever, but I don't see it as wrong or unjustified. It's something we all experience time and again, and if it's eating you up, then you need to find ways to let it out. Nothing wrong about that.
Anime? But is that really healthy? Even if you try not to be angry and tell yourself you're not going to be angry about something, it doesn't change the fact you are.
My anger is back I think it's this time of year. There are too many things coming up which involve people spending time together and as usual, I have no one. Why this makes me angry, I don't know.
Because you don't want to be lonely while everyone else is trying to be close to each other maybe? I don't know, I tend to be depressed around the holiday season. It's this feeling I get, like everyone cares more about traditions than they care about me. I bring my own meals to all of my family gatherings anymore, they never prepare anything I'll eat, and they know I don't eat animals... That sounds selfish, but it's not like I expect a lot you know. It would just be nice if they could make a side dish that was actually filling or nutritious - something other than iceberg lettuce "salad". Or if they'd understand why I feel left out and frustrated, instead of being personally offended that I'd rather spend time on my own than sitting around watching everyone socialise and eat and generally ignore me - which makes me feel more alone than I'd feel if I didn't go along at all. But I'm rambling. The holidays are a tough time of year. I'm not surprised you're angry.
I don't eat the usual turkey roasts etc at Christmas. It's been a problem in my family ever since I first gave it up 10 years ago. The way I see it, it's both sad and cruel that these animals have been bred for something as trivial (IMO) as a Christmas dinner, especially in my family. I say that because it's really not a special moment that I feel deserves the turkey when we're all sat around a table together. We're going through the motions, the traditions but behind it all there is no feeling of togetherness, of cherishing one another's company. I know that everyone sitting around that table is only there either by force or because they don't have anyone else. The only emotional accompaniment to the dinner is bitterness and resentment. So yes, the Christmas season does make me feel angry and bitter because I have no one to spend it with who actually wants or appreciates my company. My family doesn't give me the opportunity to be the person I could be. The way they treat me makes it impossible for me to feel like buying them gifts
It's like going throught the motions just for the sake of going through the motions, rather than because of a sense of actual togetherness. It sucks man. I'm a firm believer that families are something you build and cobble together, not something that you're born into and stuck with. Try to get out and meet people. Find people that are worth your time. It's not easy, but it's rewarding. (*hug*)
