So I wasnt planning to tell him anything yesterday, but after an excruciatingly long conversation it just kind of all came out... in part because my mother has gone insane with forcing my sister and I to go to church, where I tend to be depressed close to the point of suicide. Anyway, unexpectedly he didn't really react with harsh words or anger, he was rediculously shocked close to the point of disbelief. Since last night though he has made it very clear that he is going to do everything in his power to find an alternative solution to transitioning. He is mormon, and I guess I am too "technically", but not really. This morning he gave me a blessing and assured me afterwards that transitioning is the incorrect path for me to take. I've just become rediculously depressed, emotionless, and my apetite is gone even though my stomach sounds like a volcano. I haven't felt this suicidal in a long time and realize that it shouldn't be my answer no matter how I feel. I told him that if an afterlife exists, my soul is most definitely female assuming souls have sex. He just kind of shook his head and said no kind of sadly. I had finally accepted myself, and now I just feel disgusted with myself. I don't know what to do... any advice would be nice. :icon_redf Edit: I forgot to mention that he said that before I go any further, I need to wait "a while" (often meaning years). Because of all the "possible alternatives." Which has made my anxiety so much worse than before, even though I'm on meds for it now, because I've spent so long wanting to transition, but my therapist wouldn't write the letter until I either come out to my parents or move out... i was planning to move out, and they were going to help me, but I can't help but think that I've kind of gone and wrecked all of my planning. And now transition looks so far away...
Your dad is in denial,the steps every parent takes after their kid as come out to them . Leave ur parents to themselves focus on you and what you want ,you are not wrong ,nor are u incorrect. Go to the lgbt center make some friends,go to p flag talk to parents on their take on this and be happy
Your sis is gay too? ---------- Post added 26th Oct 2014 at 11:56 AM ---------- Actually no. His reaction is pretty good compared to others you were born in a chrisianty family what did you expect. You just gotta stay strong, make sure your dad knows that you aren't changing your mind before you change your gender ... it is going to get worse if it goes like that.
Mormons aren't Christian. But that aside, I hear they have a more rigid stance on lgbt stuff. Being forced into a church is not loving or right, only those whom the Father becons may come to Him, no one can force the path on another. Also, there are animals in our world that are homosexual, and change genders. Who's to say nature and sin don't mess up? There was another mormon that transitioned and made a video, you can try watching that. Please don't feel sad, know that you're loved regardless, and maybe through this you'll grow and become strong!
Im sorry for his reaction. But you are who you are, and what he says wont change that. Be happy with who you are. He is in denial, but maybe with time he will come to his senses. I hope things get better for you.
(*hug*) I had to wait a year after I came out before I could start on hormones. For me the obstacle was just money and other things going on in my life. That year almost ate me alive. So the bad news is your therapist might want you to have a supportive home environment. If they decide that, I know how unfair it feels, but they aren't wrong; if your father is against your transitioning, he might just decide to cut you off from therapy completely if your therapist gave you the letter. One way or the other he would try to interfere with your transition and probably succeed. Of course, you having the letter by itself does help a lot and gives you hope, and isn't necessarily something your dad has to know about. So they might decide to give you the letter, they might not. That is out of your hands, but please don't despair no matter what happens. The good news is you don't have to wait on hormones to start your transition. The work I did with my voice, figuring out clothes, getting past no end of dumb hang-ups - you'll find out just how much you picked up living as a male that just gets in the way of you living life - really just gaining the courage to be myself whether or not anyone liked it, and finding ways to get my confidence back whenever something happened to crap on that. And of course growing my hair out and starting laser hair removal. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better, all these things had a real impact on my transition, just like my hormones are having now. And none of them are things I had to ask anyone's permission for. By far the best thing you can do for yourself and your transition right now - this is something you absolutely have to do to be successful - is find something that makes you feel good about yourself, that you can do whenever you need to. Some of us pick rock climbing or martial arts or painting or even video games, something. You're going to have a lot of discouraging situations and a lot of people that don't like or at least don't get people like you. You need some way to say "who cares what they think". Because one day you'll get misgendered when you're trying your hardest to be you, and the very next day you'll have to try even harder, and you have to be ready for that. Transition taught me a lot about working around obstacles. It taught me to have 3 plans for any situation and to lead off with my worst one. Even if you weren't at home with your dad as an obstacle, you would end up with tons and tons of dumb obstacles as a supposedly independent and capable adult who supposedly gets to make her own decisions. Life just plain isn't easy for us. You and I are something controversial, and everyone seems to have some idea what's best for people like us or what the "right path" is for us. The good news is I and many, many other people have gotten past where you are at, and none of us are special or very different from you. Also I want to echo something DoriaN said. Please don't let your father's example be what faith is for you.
Okay, if you read only one of the replies to this thread, please read this one. I used to be Mormon so I KNOW EXACTLY what kind of pressure you are under (and going to be under) to conform to the churches cult-like pressures. I am so very sorry that your parents are Mormon and all I can say is that you need to keep hope that one day you will get to move out and be whatever person you want to be. I'm not going to lie, they will likely never accept you as transgender but you have to understand that it's because they have been brainwashed by the church to see the world from one perspective, so in some ways it's not their fault (especially if they were raised in the church, I'm sure you know how manipulative Sunday school and seminary can be with ensuring that you believe what the church is selling). I want you to know that no matter what your family tries to do or say, there are no "alternatives" when it comes to being transgender (it is NOT a choice and it is DEFINITELY NOT a temptation from "the enemy") and most important, there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU!!! I know what it is like to struggle with parents, I came out to my mom this last week and she had the same shocked into disbelief reaction that your dad had. The thing you have to remember is that your life is about YOU and YOUR DECISIONS not anyone else. Whatever you do, do NOT commit suicide. That is not the answer, my darling friend. I know it might seem easier than dealing with the hard road ahead of you, but I can promise you that the road ahead is WAAAAAYYYY more rewarding than opting out. it's hard to see now, but it will get better. I don't know where you are located but you should really look into ex-Mormon LGBT groups and see if you can join one. They are going to be able to help you more than anyone else because they will know first hand what it is like in the church. No one who isn't Mormon will be able to really understand the IMMENSE pressure the church puts on conformity to "traditional" gender roles (I mean they separate everyone by sex at the last hour of church where the Men get to practice the priesthood while the women bake pies, for Christ's sake!). I'm not sure if I can get private messages on here yet, but please feel free to message me ANYTIME you need someone to vent to. I know what the LDS are like and I know what "alternatives" your father is talking about and they are REPREHENSIBLE! There is nothing wrong with you, you are not "unworthy" and no matter what they say, you aren't going to be separated from your family in the Celestial Kingdom because you are a girl on the inside. If you believe in their "heavenly father" then you know he doesn't make mistakes, which means you were not a mistake. You are perfect just the way you are, it's your parents (and the church) that are the imperfect ones incapable of loving the things they don't understand. Please be strong and don't give up. And definitely don't let them convince you something is wrong with you and that you need to repent (even if they cart you in front of your bishop and try to shame you into believing it's a sin). There are many of us here for you. ---------- Post added 27th Oct 2014 at 09:22 AM ---------- you might be interested in this site if you haven't seen it before: Affirmation
