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Being certain?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Ryujin, Oct 29, 2014.

  1. Ryujin

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    My gender seems to switch so often nowadays that I wonder as if I could just be a boy who's confused and the dysphoria does not seem to be as extreme as some say theirs is and it's not uncommon but not extremal common either and I'm not sure if that's a part of my fluidity or not. So I ask, is there any way to be sure? Even though I've said to myself so many times before, there is no way, I just have to trust myself and my judgement but when I'm entrusting others with this knowledge, I feel like I need to show my certainty.
    So, is there?
     
  2. DoriaN

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    Yes. You bottle it up. If it goes away or you can suppress it, then you're good to go. If you can't, there's an issue.

    You're really young, so making /any/ decisions is quite a leap. For now you might be happier as a girly guy, nothing wrong with that.

    No need to label or bottle your mental condition, just take note and move on
     
  3. Ryujin

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    Yeah, I bottled it up before. And guess what? It came back.

    *doesn't like it when age is used to invalidate sense of self-identity*
     
  4. BradThePug

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    Yeah, I also bottled it up for a while and it came back. I don't see that as using age to invalidate, I see it more as saying that you have plenty of time to make the decision that is going to be best for you in the long run. It's not like you only have a small window of time to make your decision.

    For me, being certain meant that I had to let down those barrier that were hiding who I truly was. It was scary, but it was worth it.
     
  5. Kelp Krunch

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    I think with the nature of fluidity it is a little harder to be certain. Really you're the only one who can say what you're feeling, don't worry how others perceive your certainty. And I'm not specifically using age against you, but maybe as time goes on you just naturally adhere to one gender more than another, or perhaps you solidify a fluid identity. I know with me specifically I noticed my dysphoria becoming a little more pronounced as time went by. So regardless of age, it certainly takes time to be certain.
     
  6. DragKing69

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    Really, just roll with it. Fluidity is the opposite of being certain. One day you're a girl, one day you're a guy. Or maybe that's how I deal with it, I don't know. But just chill out and be comfy with what you are now. And if you're not? Change it! Don't worry, be happy.
    Your friend,
    B
     
  7. Ryujin

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    Sorry about my rather snark comment, I'm not saying this is an excuse, but I wasn't feeling in the most comfortable of bodies. I also linked the first statement with the second, unfortunately. Sorry.
    I do get what you mean now though.
    I say I'd like to be certain as I'd like to come out at some point and I don't want to do so then for it to be a mistake.
     
  8. Mirko

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    Hi there! As others have mentioned, you have lots of time to figure things out. Sometimes, the more you try to find all the answers at once, and the more you try to find the best terms to describe your feelings, the more confusing things become.

    Time itself is going to be your ally in figuring things out. As you experience things, and come to understand what they mean over time, things are going to start making sense and you will gain some level of certainty. Not to worry. :slight_smile:
     
  9. DragKing69

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    Glad you got my message. And when you do come out, no matter what happens, it wont be a mistake, because you've stopped hiding your true self to the world. And of course, EC will always be here for you. Hang on, buddy.
    Your friend,
    B:thumbsup:
     
  10. Unkempt Harold

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    I think I understand where you're coming from. For boys, showing any kind of femininity even if it's crossdressing is viewed as perversion. When I first started questioning my gender (when my feminine side just couldn't be held in any longer) I was scared as hell that it was some perverted phase.

    I was talking with my friend lately and he asked what Would be the first thing I did if I magically changed into a girl. (I'm out to him) I told him I would have to go around to my female friends and ask for cloths and feminine products, buy some of the cloths I've been shopping for, put all the make up tutorials I've been watching to the test, probably go have some girl time with my female friends, then probably play some video games. In making my to do list I imaged how liberating it would feel. ^.^

    Then my friend tells me he would go to a bathroom and touch himself =\. I knew then that I was considering gender identity on a more mature level, and that I'm not some pervert.

    P.s. My friend isn't a pervert he's just a guy XD
     
  11. MyNameIsGabriel

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    I know the feelings. Some days, the dysphoria isn't as bad; other days its like being hit by a train. Just roll with them, and change what you want (temporarily) when you want. If you want more later, do so.

    Stay strong bud :slight_smile:
     
  12. MN Writer

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    Oh Honey, there is no way to be certain about anything in this life, especially when it comes to gender. Most people can't even really define what one gender is compared to the other, because gender doesn't really "exist."

    By exist, I mean it's not a physical thing that can be thoroughly examined and weighed/tested. It's a social construct used as a labeling mechanism to group people into categories. Just like hair color, eye color, or even skin color, there are so many variations that you really can't label them thoroughly. I think you should just be a "gender outlaw" (Kate Barnstein's term) and just do whatever you feel like doing regardless if it's masculine or feminine. If you find that you want to specialize in one way that fits an existing label (like female or male), then use that label if you wish, otherwise it doesn't really matter as long as you are happy.
     
  13. AlexTheGrey

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    Speaking back to the OP's dysphoria, it's always been something that comes and goes for me. I'm kind of in a lull myself right now. A mixture of work being so busy the last couple months up until the last week or two, and starting to find outlets for things that I've kept entirely inside. I'm sure I'll get smacked upside the head by it at some point soon enough.

    There's always a sort of ebb and flow to things, as others have pointed out. And honestly, age doesn't have anything to do with it, but being younger does give yourself more time to sort it out. There's no rush.
     
  14. Ryujin

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    Thanks for your replies everyone, you've helped muchly.
     
  15. MN Writer

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    The key is to just be yourself and let other people worry about the labels until you can decide what you are. Being your age is a very difficult time as far as identity, so try not to beat yourself up too much about not being sure. you have a lot time ahead of you to figure everything out. =)

    I'm 29 (tomorrow) and I've only just figured out what label I fit under (mostly), so don't be too discouraged