To Those Who Experience Dsphoria...

I think that makes sense. It's like when I look in a mirror and I automatically think my face is female and find myself unable to identify any of the features as male, despite the fact that they are very much male.

 

As a crossdresser, I realize that I do have some bit of gender dysphoria. However, since it is not strong enough to cause any particular discomfort for the person I am most of the time, I don't think that I am TS.

That said, I would wonder if there there aren't some random events that trigger a dysphoric reaction? You know, something like seeing a pizza commercial on TV and having a taste for pizza a few minutes later. Sort of a cause and effect relationship. Perhaps it might be passing a person on the street who reminds you of how you would like to look, an image on TV or in a newspaper, a fragrance that you might associate with a particular person, etc.

 

My guess is that there is actually a trigger, but it is on a very subconscious level.

A little story about how the subconscious deal works (althought nothing having to do with gender dysphoria or sexuality)...

20 years ago (ancient history!) the car I had at the time was about to go off lease. My first wife suggested that we look at Hyundai's as they were relatively inexpensive. We were driving somewhere at the time with the kids. I YELLED that it was the LAST thing I wanted to do and would NEVER consider buying on of those!!! There was silence in the car for several minutes. Reason being that such an over the top response is very uncharacteristic for me. I'm just not a yeller and fist pounder.

Anyway, I found my reaction quite disturbing as I couldn't see anything that would make me do that. This went on for several days and it began to worry me. Now at that time, I was about 45. One day something happened (don't remember what) that caused me to think about my time in college. Then it all made sense, or at least I saw how things were connected. I had a Korean instructor for an applied mathmatics course and a jet propulsion course (I'm a mechanical engineer). I got an F the first time I had him for the mathmatics course and got an A when I took it again with the same guy. In the other course, I aced a test that grad students flunked and he claimed that I had cheated. I had not and it was just livid at the suggestion. It didn't hurt my feelings at all when he didn't get tenure and left.

But, what I realized was that up until that conversation with my wife, that guy was the only Korean that I had had any particular dealings with. That interaction set the tone for me until a few years later when I actually worked in Korea for a couple of months. I was fortunate to have that opportunity as it helped to recalibrate my thoughts about the people and canceled out that negative experience.

Anyway, it struck me as just really WEIRD how things can be connected when that connection is not obvious...

 

Yes, I think I was very lucky to hit upon that connection, but fortunate as it really worried me. And that's the thing: very often these relationships are made at a deep level or we repress them in order to try to keep them buried. The human mind is an amazing device, but I do believe that all of the answers are in there; somewhere. Whether we will ever ferret them out is entirely another matter...

Hang In There!

 

I don't think of myself as female. I just look at my face in the mirror and see, a face. I wouldn't assosiated any facial features as any gender. I see myself as one of the boys but not A boy. Whenever I see the boy's toys adverts I think, that's me, but not when I see girls's toys adverts. I,m not and don't want to be macho, but I'm not a girly girl.

 

I get that way sometimes. I think my body is male, and it always surprises me when something bumps my chest or my hip. There have been a few times I forgot I didn't have a penis. I've always thought I looked more masculine than I did, and when I was little I thought I might actually be biologically male and everyone else was wrong

 

Some days when I'm feeling more uplifted, my dysphoria disappears altogether and those are the days I question whether I'm even trans. It's like I know my body is wrong but at those moments, I am pretty content with where I'm at knowing that I'm working towards becoming myself.

My automatic response when I see my face in the mirror is that I'm male regardless of how I look. I have noticed that I can switch from seeing myself as male and female as I stand in front of the mirror. It's kind of scary!

 

I don't already think I have a male body before I look in the mirror. I know it's a female body and that's when the dysphoria comes in.

 

ah this is exactly what happens to me! I havnt been able to work out why it's like this yet, but you're definitely not alone

 

Dysphoria kinda feels like my body is all tangled up inside. When I move, there are aspects of me that just make my skin crawl. And when I'm alone I tend to throw stuff if I get particularly pissed off with it. I think of dysphoria as an intense frustration, but on the inside. Everyone registers dysphoria differently though, so I'd imagine there are as many descriptions of how dysphoria feels as there people who suffer it.

 

The worst moments are when I take off my shirt and see breasts, or when I'm aware of them. To buy a bra has always been a torture for me. Nowadays I'm aware that what I was looking for was a binder, and that is why I had to spend 2 hours in a place I absolutely despised, feeling awful...

Most of the time I forget about my body.I even forget I'm not that tall, which has lead me to some funny situations, like those moments when you try to reach something that is clearly out of reach, people find this amusing, and so do I...

When I look at the mirror I see just myself... There was times when I was (positively) surprised about my own reflection, because I looked way more masculine than I thought. I remember when I used to have long hair, and to be confronted with that strange mix of man/woman was disturbing, to put it mildly...

Right now my worst situations involving dysphoria are 80% social. I don't pass (I probably will never pass), and the whole "Let me carry your bags, miss" drives me just crazy...

 

Yes, it did. That's what it is, really. An incongruence between the mental image we have of our body, and reality.

 

I get it in social places and with my family.

Walking talking and seeing women bring it out big time. I feel like I'm supposed to be part of that and it really really sucks Dx

My family straight up said they don't support/accept me, mostly my father. So I get a lot of dysphoria around them, trying to tone myself down and be low key so I don't startle/offend/bother them.

Also my workplace. I work in a hyper masculine enviroment, and I stick out like a sore thumb. Those aren't even my words, my coworker told me that. I mean, it shouldn't be surprising all my worklife I've been told I'm weird, but I rocked it. I just do not like being associated with the male gender at all. Anything that challenges me as female gives me dysphoria bad.

 

I don't experience it all the time. It comes and goes. Sometimes it really sucks.

 

It's pretty bad; I can hardly look at myself in the mirror. Taking a shower is not pleasant, either (sure, the water's nice, but this body sure isn't!). When I'm with my friends and having fun, or focusing on something, I can usually make the GD stop being my main focus. Overall, though, even being in the wrong physical position can give me a bunch of GD.

Yeah, the severity fluctuates (it's better on some days than others), and I'm not the worst case ever, but it's still not even close to how things would be if I was born right the first time.

 

I have severe dysphoria daily usually. But when I'm not having it, I already feel male and like a male. Once I realize that I have a female body, the pain starts up again. I know what your experiencing.

 

That's been my experience. I really don't see my plumbing as being female. I still have dysphoria but I think the bulk of it's really moreso social over anything else. When I'm misgendered or have to deal with legal paperwork involving my dead name, then I'll feel like shit. I used to be very, very body dysphoric when I first figured things out as far as being FTM. And I still can be- usually that relates to my chest or curves. But I really only notice anything's not conventionally male (I mean, i see myself as male. I'm just not a conventional male) if it's pointed out.