I recently started college and I joined a club, that I feel has half the schools' LGBTQ women on it. They thought I was a lesbian too, or at least bi, until they asked and I said I was straight. I started a good friendship with this one girl, whom I proceeded to facebook chat for an entire week straight, from wake-up until early morning. We both were really into it, and although we still regularly talk and text, it's died down. I think she's awesome and I miss talking to her more. At the same time I realize normal friends don't text this often. She didn't know I identified as straight and was surprised when she found out. She insists that I'm not straight, though she can't explain why or how. Somehow she gets really far under my skin. She's always super smiley whenever I pass her on campus... I think she's amazing, but I don't know if I like her more than friends. I also can't tell how she feels about me, mostly because we stopped talking so much and I have to initiate conversations now, but originally she asked for my number after starting a facebook chat. She's older than me and I feel like she's too cool for me. She also happens to talk about people she has slept with (or wants to sleep with) very often in front of me, and this gets to me a little. I don't think she's into me, but I'm not sure. I don't think I could be into her if she was though. I find her... intriguing, but I can't wrap my head around the number of people she's been with. While this has been going on, I've also become significantly less religious. Two months ago, I was an orthodox Jew, but now I don't keep most things. I'm working on being spiritual. I wasn't okay with religious views on homosexuality (among other things) ever, but for some reason it bothers me more now (although I've had gay friends before.) I also went to gay pride events because they overlapped with winter break and I had nothing better to do and it was a cool experience but I don't know that I would do it again. I like hanging out with these people and I don't care what other people think, but I'm not sure how I feel about myself. I always considered myself straight, but I don't know anymore. There are more guys, but they people I find interesting are girls (as people, mostly). I've always admitted when other girls were pretty and I still do, but I've been thinking about making out with them. At the same time, I used to think about hot guys, but I don't find anyone attractive. (I never been attracted to that many people though.) I'm not really sure if I'm thinking about this because of the influence others are having on me, or if it is just plain ol' me. What do you think? Is she into me? Am I gay?
Sorry, I posted this under the wrong forum.... I re-posted something shorted and clearer, but to the same effect: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/sexual-romantic-orientation/157528-queer-community.html Thanks for taking the time to read my rants.
