Catching myself being sexist/misogynistic

I think it's a little subconscious in all trans people's minds, though it's intent is not malicious.

I kinda look at guys are icky or gross and stuff like that, because I've disassociated with it, but I don't actually think of men less or dislike them at all.

I imagine a few wires get crossed when switching borders but overall I don't think it's something negative, just repressed and allocated in the wrong emotional area.

 

I have to agree that I also find that sexist attitude that some transmen have to be annoying as well. One thing that helped me was to stop thinking about things "for men and for women". Anybody can do most activities, no matter what gender or sex that they are. Breaking down the gender stereotypes in my head helped me to eliminate a lot of those thought processes.

 

I'm not a trans guy, but as a 'not girl' I definitely used to have a major problem with that. I started out with 'no one wants to be a girl, you just have to' and then it became 'well, ok but i'm not that kind of girl' (i.e. likes being a girl, likes girl things).

So, for DMAB people who 'wanted to be girls' a lot of me was 'but you're a guy, why would you want to be a girl!?' So not ok, and I'm really not proud of it.

 

I can relate. Sometimes I find myself saying little things like "oh GIRLS *rolls eyes*" and "Man up!" It's not like I'm truly misogynistic - I just want to disassociate myself from femaleness. :tears:

Also yeah, I've caught myself thinking "OHMYGOD YOU HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH HEIGHT, A FLAT CHEST AND CERTAIN, AHEM, PARTS - WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY WOULD YOU WANT TO BECOME A GIRL?!?!?!?! :eusa_doh::eusa_doh::eusa_doh::eusa_doh:"

I now know that that's completely the wrong attitude to have, and I definitely get MTF women's struggles.

 

Before I came to terms with the fact that I like girls, I used to hate them with a passion. If there's something you hate about yourself, you tend to apply it to other people, I guess it's just a coping mechanism xxx

 

I guess some of it is natural, but a lot of it definitely does end up downright sexist/misogynistic/transmisogynistic..

I think it helps to remember it's not 'wanting to be', it's 'is'. Which is pretty validating really, because otherwise you just 'want to be a guy', rather than 'are a guy', and it makes a lot more sense of why they're happy to give those things up.

Now if only we could body swap..

 

YEAH. I like my face and all, but hell, DO I wish I were 6 feet tall, broad-shouldered and baritone-voiced.

 

Anything but 4"11 tall would do for me.. grrrrrrr


/off topic

 

I've seen women who play out misogyny in their lives. There's just an excessive amount of it everywhere. I don't think trans* guys are any more susceptible than the population at large, or at least no worse than cis guys.

Well, you've become aware of it in yourself, which is the first step. Beyond that, it is kinda different for everyone. But in the end, it is a bit about recognizing when you do it, apologizing when it does happen, correcting yourself, and moving on. Much like any other behavior you want to change. It may also help to get to the root of why it happens, both when you do it, and when it happens in society at large. Some of this stuff is learned roles and stereotypes, and so looking inwards may not find you the answer if it is socially learned behavior.

 

Oh whoops I'm ~5'3"

---------- Post added 5th Nov 2014 at 02:26 PM ----------

Actually, I feel like trans* guys are simultaneously less likely AND more likely to be misogynistic. We're more sensitive to gender stereotypes, and probably more open-minded than most - seeing as we qualify as an "oppressed minority". And yet, as a group, we've got a collective chip on our shoulders: we want to be perceived as UNQUESTIONABLY MALE. Sometimes, that seems to involve misogyny. I do my best to avoid it, and I'm definitely a feminist.... but sometimes I slip up.

I also relate better to dudes. Many of my childhood friends were guys. I don't really "get" girls, despite physically being one ( :tears: ). Which may be why I stereotype a tiny bit.

(Also, I have always disliked words like "she", "female", and "woman"/"women". I thought it was 'cuz of OCD, but now I'm pretty sure it's 'cuz of gender dysphoria. Maybe that could be taken as misogyny?)

 

I'm a bit guilty of this. When people insist I'm a girl, I start to get really hateful and say things like, "I'm not a fucking girl!" in a way that makes it seem as if it's wrong to be a girl, when it's not. It's just wrong for me, because I'm not a girl.

I feel as if it's similar with some straight people, actually, and denying vehemently that they're gay. It's not that they hate gay people or feel as if being gay is wrong - it's just that, being called gay - it invalidates their identity, and while many straight people do, in fact, invalidate LGBT+ people's identities, straight people are people too.

But that's teetering off to another discussion.

What I'm saying is, things you think and feel may come off as misogynistic not because you hate women, but because you hate the thought of being a woman.

 

^ what he said, basically.

 

Here was a similar discussion:
http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony...ression/157061-does-happen-anyone-else.html#2

(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

I agree, but I think at some level, it just becomes misogyny if we allow it to go unchecked, especially as we try to prove our manliness to other guys.

 

Definitely agree with that as well. I feel as this "manliness" shit has gone way too far, although, I may be biased, as I consider myself a pretty feminine guy myself.

It's just really awful to hear people say "but you don't act like a man!" - and it applies to masculine/butch trans women and even cisgender people as well. It seems as if most people here (locally, I mean, not on EC) don't know how to differentiate gender expression and gender identity, if you know what I mean?

 

Oh god yeah it kinda has..

Well, in most people's head gender expression IS gender identity :/

 

What's terrifying is the men who can do that, and not think 'woah am i really this kind of person?'