I ask everyone I talk to, and constantly stare in pictures and the mirror. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind, or somehow deceiving myself. I dislike how I look in pictures or videos or sometimes in the mirror. I'm trying to only see the female but the past male haunts me. I mean I know I'm a beautiful blend of my past and present but it's still hard. I get told I pass, and get constant amazing compliments and beautiful words; but I am still paranoid. It's so taxing on the mind, and it feel so petty and shallow I cannot stand it. I feel like I whine, and am only obnoxious. I know it's all superficial, but I can't help it... I just can't comprehend. I don't know what it is, but I feel so overwhelmed in various ways. Why am I crazy like this?! How can I stop? I feel like an ingrate and like I'm spoiled but unhappy.. I just wish I could see straight. What can I do? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you feel this way, I really am. It's not crazy or shallow. It's dysphoria. I've definitely heard of this happening to people so you're not alone. I don't really know any advice for you or anything. Maybe you can look up self-soothing techniques (which I think is part if DBT) for when it gets bad.
I know exactly how I feel. I'll often get myself made up, and ready to go out, and I'll be feeling all cute and happy...and then I'll see something that totally throws me out of the rhythm, usually my adam's apple which seems like it's the size of a fist with these floating arrows pointing it out to everyone on the street. And it's tough, it's really bloody tough to get around that. Sometimes I think it's just a case of silently telling the world 'fuck it' and going anyway. Sorry, I'm terrible at advice...
i feel the same way when people call me sexy or cute some people say im a 10/10 when really i see myself as halfway but if it makes you feel better i say you are a pretty mind(*hug*)
Would it help you if you would try to concentrate on your inner feeling as a woman... and let that radiate out ? I have an image... and concentrate on that... knowing it will radiate out over time... Do you have a therapist you could talk with about coping techniques ?
I can't really speak from my own experience but my friend told me everyday to look in the mirror and say how beautiful you are even if you don't believe it. Keep saying it over and over everyday until you can see it. I have seen it work for my friend. She smiles more and is more confident in how she looks and feels. I can tell by the way she acts shes happier then she was.
It's about learning to let go of what others think of you or what you assume they think of you. Their opinions whether receptive or oppositional CANNOT make you happy. You have to find or create or define your own happiness, that place in your mind where no one can touch your self acceptance, or self esteem. It's easier said than done and I still struggle to accomplish this but that's where I'll know I'm finally truly happy and loving my life.
