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Genderfluid but not transgender? And no gender dysphoria?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by I am Kakashi, Nov 11, 2014.

  1. I am Kakashi

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    So I'll save my whole back story to keep this short. But basically I have 2 things going on with me that are confusing the heck out of me.

    The first one is probably semantics/ me overreacting but it's been bugging me. So I recently realized I am genderfluid. Which I'm totes cool with/ love. But from what I've been reading, genderfluid is a subset of genderqueer, and both are under the total transgender umbrella? But I don't feel transgender. :eusa_thin I don't know if I am subconsciously refusing to let myself be transgender because of all the prejudice/ stereotypes/ hardships or afraid to come out or what.

    Second thing is (and may partly explain why I don't feel I'm trans?) is that I have next to no gender dysphoria. When I do it is not that bad/ manageable, and so due to that I have no desire to transition socially/ legally, get on T or hormones of any kind, or have top or bottom surgery (beyond a breast reduction which I just fucking need, and is irrelevant to my gender). I have lots of BODY dysphoria, but not really a gender issue.

    I definitely have my male days, my female days (still my default I guess?), and my "Fuck this stupid crap, just let me be a human" days, but I feel like I'm maybe not embracing some part of me. And/or I don't feel like I don't "deserve" to be called trans, since I have no obstacles like dysphoria and transitioning.

    The only thing I'm going to "change" is I now accept my "male days", and I will be purchasing a binder, more male clothes and wear them more regularly, and maaaaybe a packer just to see what it's like. So really just uppin' my male game.

    Anyway, anyone else have this weird (lack of an) issue? :help:
     
  2. jay777

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  3. sexywexy

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    I can relate :slight_smile: thanks for replying to my other thread, by the way.
    The thing about the "transgender umbrella" and binary-nonconforming identities is that the vast majority of transgender research and literature up until recently has focused on binary gender-conforming transgender individuals (i.e. MTF or FTM, who tend to feel like they are trapped in the wrong body or have been assigned the wrong sex). Narrowing down into the gender-fluid region of the transgender umbrella, you can easily be "trans" without feeling the uncomfortable burden of gender dysphoria.
    I think -- and I could be dead wrong -- that because you were designated female at birth, that you could experience a lot less dysphoria than, say, myself, because females are allowed to wear male clothes, act masculine in certain situations, etc. For me, I experienced a hell of a lot of dysphoria prior to embracing my identity, and I think that's because males are never ever allowed to display any sort of femininity upon pain of being labeled "sissy, gay, fag",etc. Now that I've embraced my fluidity, I find that I have a lot less dysphoria because I can easily slip into clothing of any gender/in-between I please (as long as I'm at home -_-)
    Like I said, I could be wrong. I hope I helped! :slight_smile:
     
  4. darkcomesoon

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    I definitely felt weird about calling myself trans for quite a while. I always associated the word trans with people who were FTM or MTF, so being genderfluid and being someone who didn't experience severe dysphoria, I felt uncomfortable claiming the label. For a while, I just called myself nonbinary instead. That might work better for you. You don't have to use any labels that don't feel right.
     
  5. I am Kakashi

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    @sexywexy That actually makes total sense! I always considered myself a tomboy, then when I realized I liked girls, and that some types of lesbians dresses/ acted more similar to men, I was like "Oooh, so I'm like, only half-lesbian, so that's why I only want to act/ dress manly half the time" (That was the best explanation my 16 y.o. self could come up with XD) I think when I (and probably a large portion of the population) hear trans they do assume MtF or FtM. I guess since I don't feel a strict 180 degree swap, I don't feel like that term (when used connotatively) describes me. So that actually helped a lot.

    @darkcomesoon I think non-binary and/or gender non-conforming DEFINITELY work better for me. I think talking to more genderfluid people will help me figure things out. I am slowly realizing that not every woman feels like a woman the same way. So not every trans person has to be trans the same way.

    I don't mean to get caught up on labels but I do want to re-come out to my close friends and maaaybe family as pansexual. And I would also like to come out to my friends (probably not family) as genderfluid/ gender-non conforming. I want to come out to my trans friend, but I'[m pretty sure if I came out as trans, she would basically say I wasn't, and would most likely be offended. So I want to come out while not invalidating her struggle.
     
  6. JustAnotherSoul

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    It's absolutely fine for you to define your own experience! It's okay if like one label but don't like another label often associated with it. Just because many genderfluid folks see that as fitting under the trans umbrella, doesn't mean you have to. It's also okay to change your labels whenever you want. If it doesn't feel like it fits now, then you are not transgender. If that changes in a few months/years, then so be it.

    I will say though that the idea of "not being trans enough" is really, really, really common. Almost every trans person has felt like that at some point. Not everyone who is trans experiences dysphoria. Not everyone who is trans wants to transition socially or medically. There is no "standard of misery" that you have to meet to be part of the club. You don't have to earn your dysphoria merit badge or your punchcard for how many times people have bullied you. If you like the word and want to identify as part of the community, go for it. If not, that's fine too!
     
  7. I am Kakashi

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    I'm glad I'm not the only one who "doesn't feel trans enough". So for now at least, I'm not transgender. *deep breath*

    Still have to figure out how to come out to certain people. Obviously it will be different wording/ situations to different people. So, off I go to getting help with that in a different forum. Thanks, everyone. :slight_smile:

    But feel free to add more, I'd love more insight, especially from genderfluid people, and people with little to no dysphoria. :thumbsup:
     
  8. MissMiri

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    im gender fluid with no dysphoria too