Just really confused.

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site and was hoping to just get some advice

Basically, I'm confused about my sexual orientation and its just really frustrating. :/

I've thought I was straight my entire life. I'm an 18 year old girl. I had crushes on boys since I can remember. In fifth grade I had a diary about all the guys I thought were cute (lol kinda embarrassing to admit). I went through a boy crazy phase in high school. In about February of last year, I got really high and had a bad reaction and my friend (a girl) was taking care of me and I just wanted to kiss her and I truly felt I was in love with her. You know, I was high so I don't know exactly how legitimate those feelings were.

Anyway, I didn't think anything of it. A few months later I met a boy who I totally liked...we started dating, went to prom together. I lost my virginity to him and I like having sex with him except sometimes I wonder if lesbian sex would be better and I feel like that ruins the moment. Our relationship is great, he's perfect and I mean perfect, best guy I ever talked to. He's been away for a few months because he is in the military and I met a lesbian who I thought was really cool and something attracted to me to her. Ever since then I got pretty paranoid and started thinking I was a lesbian. I realized that lesbians turned me on. I think I am starting to have a crush on my roommate too and I think I loved that one friend. I even decided I was a lesbian.

Then this guy was flirting with me and I decided I wasn't because I liked it. What?

Idk what it is but I just keep imaging myself being with a woman...I want to feel those feelings I felt when I was high, like I was in love. I feel like I have felt that with my boyfriend but now that I have these thoughts in my head I can't feel them again. Something in my mind keeps telling me that I won't experience those feelings unless it was with a woman. Thing is, I don't think I am sexually attracted to women and I can't imagine myself ever being with a woman but then I say to myself I've never tried it and I just don't know.

And I always guilty for feeling this way because I have a boyfriend. Is it not fair to him that I'm so confused and I dont know what I want?

I feel like my curiosity is holding me back from my great relationship with my boyfriend. I can't explain it. I think I am a lesbian sometimes but if I could forget about those feelings then I'd have the best relationship with him.

I don't want to break up with him to only find out these feelings are untrue, that I really want a relationship with a man and I could've had a great relationship with my boyfriend. If I date a woman, will I just keep wondering if I should be with a man? If I don't explore my sexuality will I regret it? Will these feelings ever go away? Am I just paranoid...

Ugh. Idk what to do.
A few more details I want to add..When I'm drunk I like men. I want men and I want to make out with them. I made out with my friend who is a girl once and I felt really weird about it. Now I think it was just because I have homophobic thoughts maybe... Wish I knew what was going on!

Ah, I wish I knew what to do. Anyone ever experience something similar? Btw I wouldn't mind being a lesbian. I have supportive friends and families...