Idk what to think right now. Im drawing a blank. Im freaking out. So what the problem is, being bigender is awkward. During the middle of a class or something and switch. And it's awkward and embarrassing. Maybe its just how im going about it. Idk. But I've been going to school with a bra on expecting to feel very feminine that day and it won't happen. I feel like Jyckll and Hyde and it worries me. I dress in a few layers to hide to others I wear the bra. I always wear long sleeve. The only skin you see its that of my hands and face. Which is fine. But the issue is people still notice the curves and unfortunately I don't have a feminine face to pull off that of a slightly masculine girl. I feel more comfortable as a girl but I couldn't be like that. Namely because of my family. Especially the older generation. If they saw me as a girl. Idk what would happen. I feel like they'd look down upon me and lord knows what else. So I almost need to be male sometimes. Im terrified. It actually affected my sleep something awful last. Idk what I'm doing posting this on the forum. Idk what responses (if any) are going to be. Maybe I'm asking for advice, maybe in looking for someone to console me. I don't quite know right now. I just wanted to write this down. Thanks for listening.
If you KNOW your family wouldn't understand (which it sounds like), and could be in danger of being kicked out, or verbally/ physically assaulted, it's probably best to just keep any gender identity issues away from family for the time being. It does sound like wearing the bra is causing you quite a bit of anxiety, especially when you wear one, expect to feel a certain way, and then don't. If it's a regular underwire, could changing to a training or sports bra, or even just a tank top be a good middle ground? That way if you end up not really feeling very feminine, it's more like athletic wear or just an extra shirt than lingerie? Is there anyone, a school counselor or teacher who you could talk to? Your family doesn't seem like they'd be up for sending you to a gender therapist or LGBT support group, but finding a trusted adult in your "real" (aka non-internet) life to talk to, and help you with what you're going through will be paramount to your mental health. So, advice part over. Entering console mode: Oh my gosh, that sounds super fucking terrible! My gender never really switches mid-day so abruptly like that, and I can't even imagine how awkward and frustrating that would be. But that is what we're here for. For getting through those rough days, even if all we can do is go "Yep, that stinks." Just having someone validate your bad day can be sooo helpful, when you have no one else to vent/complain/cry to. *hugs*
Thx. But the problem isnt that I'm anxious about wearing it its more that people finding out that I do and I stuff it so so thats probably something that isnt helping much.
