I guess all I need right now is a little reassurance. It's been an inkling in the back of my head for years now that I might not be 100% a girl. About four months back it fully occurred to me that I'm probably not, and I started looking into non-binary genders. I tried calling myself genderfluid, then genderqueer, but nothing really fit. A few days ago, I realized that I might not be non-binary. I might just be a guy. I've been asking people online to refer to me as Daniel for a while, and I'm starting to ask that they use he/him pronouns. I bind occasionally (not with an actual binder, there's no way I can get one of those just yet) and when I do, the way I look/feel with a flat chest is so much better. When I wear baggy clothes so you can't see my feminine features, it's so much better. I'm so scared. This is all too much to handle all at once. I can't deal with that fact that everybody thinks I'm a girl and almost all of my clothing is feminine and I've been looking into every small thing I do and trying to decide if it's too feminine or not. The idea of transitioning is so overwhelming I don't even try to think about it right now. I don't even know if I can be a guy, I mean, I only realized it now and I'm 15 years old. It's all so complicated and being comfortable with my gender seems like an impossible dream.
I'm 22 when I first started really thinking about it. Well it has been on my mind a lot longer then that. (Early teens) but I always just tried to push it to the back of my mind as much as possible. But now I don't want to do that. It does feel strange to finally be a little open about it. And the idea of transitioning, while I want it, it is also a little scary... But yeah I know what you mean. When I finally went and bought women's clothing for the first time and tried it on. It felt so right to me. I love it. And I really wish I could go outside and wear it without feeling like everyone I see will think I'm a weirdo or a freak. I never really cared much about what I wore. I never found anything that really "clicked" with me. Until I got those.
Don't be scared... it can be even fun exploring yourself... trying out new styles... You might start with hairstyle and maybe with unisex clothing... saying its your style... and its a step by step process... every journey begins with the first step... many others have succeeded in this, too... You might have a look at this: Am I Transgender or Transsexual - Teens Wonder Am I Transgender or Transsexual The tg spectrum goes i.e. from people living with almost androgynous appearance, to styling more like the preferred gender, to taking hormones, etc. Of course the list is not all possible options. You might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center, if that's what you want. I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision... There is no only one right way to do this. Its your choice what you want to do... I'd say build some community, take part on EC, its for example possible to chat with others via wall messages, and later as full member via the chat and private messages... there are support groups, and you might think about counseling... Just ask for support or if you have questions, there are many people on EC willing to help. (*hug*)(*hug*)
