Hey again, things seem to be going better for me regarding my sexuality. But of course, I'm still going through tough times. About two years ago, I dated a trans guy and it was honestly one of the best relationships I've ever had. A few days ago, my mother, brother, and I were sitting in the living room and while I was on my laptop, I came across an article about a trans women was passed away and her family cut her hair short and buried her in a suit. I was angry, so I showed my mom and the first thing she said was, "Did she have a surgery? No? Okay, then that's a guy. If she didn't get that bottom surgery, she's a man." I got even more upset and I tried to explain to her that a lot of trans people can't afford that type of surgery or maybe they just aren't comfortable, but my mom didn't want to hear it and thinks being trans is all for attention. As if my ex boyfriend wanted all the attention in the world. However, my mom doesn't know he is trans. I'm beginning to argue with my mom constantly, and our relationship isn't as good as it used to be. I want things to go back to the way they were, but if she can't respect me or the people I choose to surround myself with, our relationship will never get better. Is there anyway I can educate her on the topic of gender identity without it being an argument? Thanks. :dry:
If only that were true. People are terrible when it comes to topics of a polarizing nature, they will say or do whatever it takes to be "right" even if those words or deeds defy all logic and rationale. tldr - you cant force someone to accept one point of view or another, all you can do is provide the facts and let them decide.
You might have a look at these resources: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/156085-i-just-im-kind-scared.html#4 and maybe at this: Breaking Through the Binary: Gender Explained Using Continuums (*hug*)
Silly. I propose abolishing opinions in favour of logic and facts. Opinions are completely useless, and unless you can substantiate an opinion, I increasingly don't even want to hear it. Here are the standards of care for Transgendered persons, and how to think about them in a more professional way; http://www.teni.ie/attachments/b5614ca8-53eb-44ee-aa64-9296f59da4ec.PDF
I personally would just not try to argue with her directly. Some people in my life are slow to come around. But no one ever changes their mind in a direct debate. When people get to know me, now that I'm not hiding any more, that usually works better. The problem is, it's TV for your mom. She can probably imagine a few things about being a woman she doesn't like, and a few things about being a man that would be nice, and to her, that's what trans is. She has never directly experienced any problem with her gender. She probably honestly believes that if she woke up as a man, she could just "get used to it". There is absolutely no way the best most supported written by a biology major master thesis on sex and gender would ever convince your mom, for that reason. That personal piece just plain is not there. I mean we joke about it, but think about the way people reacted to Pluto not being a planet. Or on T.V. how when their favorite character dies, they get brought back a lot of the time because people get mad. That is the kind of stuff you are up against. Your mom saw trans people probably on Jerry Springer once, and so Jerry Springer is what trans is to her. The only way around it is to support your boyfriend, and encourage him to not hide how much his situation is causing problems. The more real he is around your mom, and the more it becomes clear that you and he are an item no matter what she does, the sooner it will be before she is forced to actually consider for herself, for the first time in her life, what sex and gender and being trans mean to her. I know it is hard, and maybe you have a better way. But I have found for me, that if I just give up on the idea of winning people to my way of thinking with words, that it is way easy to do it with actions and letting them see the whole truth for themselves.
