hello there, (this is long, I'll put a TL;DR if you don't wanna hear me blab) alrighty well I've always felt a bit out of place I suppose. irl I wear "boy clothes" mostly because they're comfortable, but also because they make me feel more like myself than if I were to wear a skirt or something like that... but there's some days where I feel better in more girly stuff, such as skirts or bows. I like "boy" stuff like video games, action figures, hot wheels hah you name it... I always have. but on he other side Ive also enjoyed girly characters and princesses, and dressing up. I mean, I act more "like a girl" a lot of the time, I don't really like going outside and I enjoy being cutesy, but its like I'm torn between the two. some days I feel more boyish, and some more girly. its kinda funny, I have a noticeably high voice (like a hyper girly anime character for example) but I can also do super deep voices haha even my voice can't decide. I feel like I don't really fit into either category, but I don't know if I can accept myself not being just a girl. it's so confusing, I realize that there's more than just male and female but I can't find where I fit in. it feels weird calling myself a woman, and weird calling myself a man. when I fill out a questionaire or something, the question "male or female" always keeps my attention, I just don't know anymore my family would never accept me as anything but a proper young lady, my mom actually told me that I needed to dress more like a "lady" or I'd never be successful, and looks at me as if she were disappointed in me. she's gotten to the point where she'll only buy me super girly things, which make me feel uneasy and nervous wearing. maybe if I could figure this out and eventually accept it it would make me feel better, idk. some days I feel more like a boy, and some more like a girl... what is that even supposed to mean?! I can't make up my mind I guess. the whole issue is stressing me out along with other things that are going on I just can't take it. TL;DR: I've always thought of myself as a girl, since that's what I was born as... but I never really felt much like one. some days I feel boyish, and some days girlish... or a mix of the two. I'm really confused and its like I don't even know myself sometimes. thanks for anyone that actually took the use to read this, or better yet help/advise me, it really means a lot. (*hug*) I just wanted to get that rant out of my system
I don't know how much help I'll be, since I'm kinda going through the same things myself, but it seems to me like your biggest problem is conforming to gender roles. This could mean you might just a female who doesn't conform to society's expectations of you (especially with the added stress from your mother), or you might possibly be a variation of genderqueer! The process of self discovery can be a hard one (I sure as hell know mine is) but sometimes only time (and some experimentation with gender expression) will tell. Good luck!
thank you so much for the advice and suport! who knows what I am, but hopefully some day I'll figure it out. I might research the variations of genderqueer and see if any of them fit, but thanks again for being so nice
