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Disliking To Be Called Girly?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by YuriBunny, Dec 3, 2014.

  1. YuriBunny

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    While for the most part I am comfortable with being female, I notice, especially recently, that I do not always seem to like being a girl. For example, I don't like to be in a girls' PE class because it reminds me that I am a girl to other people. I also hate it when someone points out feminine things about me. There are things about me that would be considered stereotypically feminine, and I dislike that. I wear skirts and dresses sometimes, and whenever my mom praises me for 'trying to act like a girl' it greatly upsets me. I can only comfort myself by reminding myself that I am not wearing these things to look like a girl, but rather because it's actually what I want to wear and I should be able to dress as masculine or as feminine as I want without people judging me. Same as with all my other 'girly' traits; I keep reminding myself the traits are simply part of who I am and should not indicate that I am a feminine person or even that I am a girl.

    I often feel like an outcast because I can't relate to girls or boys very well. They feel like two distinct groups that I don't completely belong to. I'm just me, and don't like to associate myself with the 'girls' group, because I do not like my gender to be an important aspect of me that people notice. Sure, I'm okay with saying that I'm a girl or being referred to with feminine pronouns because that's what I feel I am, but at the same time I do not feel that I have a gender and I do not fit in well enough with girls or boys to feel comfortable as either. For that matter, I am even disturbed by being reminded that I am a human being- talking about myself makes me feel that I am speaking of someone else, and when I see myself in the mirror I am disturbed.

    But I don't always feel like this either. I've noticed that I feel better about my gender when I feel more confident. Which isn't really often, unfortunetely.

    I'm not sure if all of this is because I dislike fitting stereotypes or if it's something else. Am I making sense or am I just ranting aimlessly? :confused:
     
  2. SquidwardT

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    I think I feel similar sometimes especially when my grandparents are like "girls don't like..." Or "girls aren't good at..." Or "girls are..." But for me anyway, it is mostly about resenting stereotypes and not wanting people to make assumptions about me because of the gender I identify with.
     
  3. laut

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    Maybe try exploring with ideas such as gender neutral, neutrois, agender, gendermeh.

    What you're experiencing sounds very much like what I experienced in my early stages of realising I was non-binary. You don't have to identify as a girl, even if you also don't identify with boys, or because you have a vagina.
     
  4. YuriBunny

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    Agender sounds closest to me, but I think I'd prefer the term genderless for myself.

    Is it possible to be both genderless and a girl at the same time? I do feel like a girl, but at the same time I do not consider myself a particular gender. Perhaps it changes depending on my mood? Like I said in my other post, I usually feel fine with being a girl when I am feeling confident. When I feel sad I feel genderless...

    But for a while I've also had an issue where I feel disconnected from myself. I don't know how to explain it, but I sort of mentioned it in the opening post. I feel as if I am mentally a different person than I actually am, and I'm not sure if the 'me' in my head (which is probably pretty close to the me on EC) or the 'me' that other people see is actually me. Me in my head feels like a girl while me in real life feels genderless...

    Agh, I am confusing myself. >.<
     
  5. laut

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    You can be demi or bigender, which would allow for genderless and girl.

    Do you mean you want people externally to see you without gender, but in your head you think of yourself as a girl?
     
  6. Tai

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    It sounds to me that you don't conform to gender roles. And that's a good thing. We'd be better off without them. If you are comfortable with being a female, you probably just don't like conforming to gender stereotypes.
     
  7. Ace Ranger

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    I can totally relate to this, I am/was the exact same way. I just chose to go with calling myself genderqueer, and often I just let people use whatever pronouns they associate me with, even though 99.999% of the time its referring to me as a girl ^^;
     
  8. Nightdream

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    I relate to what you said, for the most part. I can't say for sure what makes you feel like that. I have the feeling that I'm getting close to figure out why I feel the way I do, but I'm not you, right?

    Unfortunately, the only advice I can give you is just act/dress in the way you feel comfortable and don't mind so much about what other people think of you. You could also have a look at the non-binary genders and see if anything "clicks".

    If it still doesn't work, maybe you should investigate wheter it's really a gender thing and not something else.
     
  9. Acm

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    To me it sounds like a dislike of gender roles but it could be something else
     
  10. YuriBunny

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    Hm... maybe? I guess that's what it is... But sometimes in my head I also see myself as genderless. I occasionally will forget that people consider me a girl because of it. And sometimes I also want people to see me as a girl, I think? It's like I want to be a girl but being genderless seems more like me? Hm, I'm not sure... o.o

    Edit: Oh, and what is demi?
     
  11. laut

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    That sounds like either you're experiencing some fluidity between girl and genderless, or you're resisting being genderless.

    Demigender is being partially a gender, partially something else, which can be undefined. So you could be a demi girl, with the rest being genderless.
     
  12. DinelodiiGitli

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    I can completely relate as I've disliked being called girly since I was a young child. You sound like perhaps you're fluid but only you can know for sure. :slight_smile:
     
  13. YuriBunny

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    Hm... Yeah, I guess demigender really does sound like me then... Hm... interesting...
     
  14. stormborn

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    i know that i, personally, have a tendency to dissociate when i'm feeling low, and it leads to me not feeling like i fit anywhere (whether it be gender, personality, etc). perhaps you are feeling something similar?

    sometimes to get back to present, i do stuff like press ice cubes on my face, and think about how i feel the cold on my skin, but i also feel it in my mind (like, i recognize that there is cold on my face, and i, mentally, am feeling it too. to make that connection between mind and body). it's a bit hard to explain, sorry D:
     
  15. OMG I TOTALLY RELATE HERE AGH someone call the cops:3 people like to comment on girly traits like your hair and blah, and it's like stahppp. And parents wanting you to act more girly... No thank you
     
  16. YuriBunny

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    Hm, the ice cubes thing is interesting. Where'd you get that idea?
     
  17. Kaiser

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    I think a lot of people have a similar experience: not liking their gender, be it biological or because they are transgender. This, alone, isn't enough, in my opinion; but take that, for what you will.

    P.E. is rough on a lot of people. It can make you uncomfortable, especially when you're being compared to others, be it directly or indirectly, by others or yourself. Also, girls tend to be treated differently, in certain regards, like exercises. It could be that that irks you, the segregation.

    You pretty much have the answer, here.

    It seems you dislike the gender stereotypes and their divisiveness; the different treatments they receive. If you're telling yourself, that you are simply doing what you like, and for your own reasons, then it seems less like a gender identity issue.

    Do you feel like an outcast because folks are girls or boys, or is it because, they just happen to be girls or boys, and you don't have a connection? This would really clear the air, I think.

    Still sounds like you detest gender roles and perceptions. You, once again, say you are okay with saying you are a girl, for example.

    This appears to be the significant issue, if not the issue. It sounds like a confidence issue.

    Bingo.

    I won't rule out a gender identity-related issue, but after reading what you've said, it would appear, even if there is a gender identity-related issue, it cannot be resolved without, first, addressing the self-esteem and self-perception ones.




    That all said, here's something that, I hope, gets the ball rolling. You may feel overwhelmed with your thoughts, and perhaps you feel bad a lot of the time, but the fact you can analyze and present your observations, demonstrates a fine intelligence. You are, obviously, very smart. I know you probably are going to hate this next part, but it must be said. You can't even legally drive, but you already demonstrate an awareness that trumps most so-called adults. This may cause you some problems, by making you frustrated or sad, but this can also be the foundation, for you to build upon, to erect a pillar of confidence.

    And you don't need a gender to be that. Because as a wise individual once said:

    "The traits are simply part of who I am."

    :icon_wink

    (*hug*) (*hug*) (*hug*)​
     
  18. stormborn

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    i'm not sure, really. i think i read it online somewhere.
     
  19. YuriBunny

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    I'm not really sure what the difference is...
     
  20. antibinary

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    I get annoyed in P.E. when the teacher calls us 'ladies' I'd so much rather be in the boys P.E. class, but not the changing rooms. Actually I would rather be in the boys changing rooms, just I'd get comments and I get the mick taken enough already. However, I would really just like my own changing room. I don't mind being in the girls changing room at the swimming pool as they have cubicles.