Feeling really depressed again lately...

I know there lots of things I could do right now to help deal with dysphoria, but I just feel like I'm already stuck as it is in few crappy situations at the moment and the last thing I need right now is to have someone find out about me and add another problem onto the ones I already have.

I feel like I have made no progress towards anything and I go from day to day feeling miserable about myself and feeling like there is no hope. I am stuck in a crappy living situation with my family and I feel trapped. It's not that it's really a bad situation, but when you're trans and all you want to do is break free and live your own life without worrying about others trying to hold you back, It's f**king hell. Almost every single day I deal with denial, and depression after the reality of my life sets in and the realization that it's not likely to change anytime soon. I have to pretend every single day that I am happy and content with my life, but nobody realizes how miserable I feel about myself. My parents are very materialistic and figure just because I am fortunate to have alot of nice things that I should be happy, but nice things don't make up for the fact that I feel miserable and alone, and hate the body I was born in.

I love my family and friends to death and the last thing I would ever want to do is hurt them, and I feel like nobody is ready to accept me as who I really am. I don't want to kill myself but I often feel like I want to die, like I wish someone would hit me with a car or hold me hostage in a store robbery and kill me or something. I feel like shit for thinking these things and it really hurts me that I would even think like this, but I'm just so tired of being miserable and It's so hard for me to get any help without everyone knowing because I have no privacy.