So, I was hoping to give everyone my story as soon as I got home from the event but honestly I was a little shell shocked I guess... It was just strange being introduced as Elissa and being spoken to normally... Idk I just felt so uncomfortable... It's not that I didn't like hearing the name it's just... I mean I was trying to present feminine but I didn't look passing by any means... (I tried though) and every time I got introduced to someone new I just wanted to hide. I even started exaggerating my femininity through my actions... I had a good time for the most part but I couldn't help feeling terrified that people were judging me... Idk, I'm hoping the next outing will be better, I think this had to do with my own nerves more than anything. Hopefully I'll have at least gotten some idk makeup figured out or something... >~< maybe I just don't want people to see the face and body I have now as Elissa? :icon_redf
It's scary to stop hiding. I am sure it will get better and you will feel more comfortable. You are very brave. I am glad you had mostly good time. I have had similar experiences. After so many years of hiding I tend feel really exposed in certain situations. It was safe to just be like people expected. Uncomfortable but safe.
I know how you feel yeah, now my room mates know about everything they ask a lot of questions and I explain and while they are being amazing about it all...its can be uncomfortable and sometimes I do wanna hide :/
I feel you on this. To overcome that feeling, remember that when you present as Elissa you are bound to feel (socially speaking) like a little girl, same as you felt long ago when you had to go outside as your old self and telling strangers your name. It is a new experience for you, that's all. Prove it! :icon_wink You know, the first time I posted on the "Do I pass" thread, I was convinced I didn't passed at all. It is impossible to judge your own appearance when it comes to passing, period. You are having a million doubts about yourself, and most of them are born out of your own insecurities. It is normal!!! Transition is like a second puberty, and tell me if you know someone who didn't felt insecure about her or his own appearance. This is again your insecurity speaking. You don't need to be perfect. Most of women don't go outside looking like Greta Garbo or Marilyn Monroe, because they don't look like those gals, so why should you. Yeah, everybody would kill to have the right looks of our ideal self, but to get there we need time and effort. It's not going to be perfect the first time, and there is no need for perfection, only for feeling good with yourself. Congrats, I'm sure you did very well (*hug*)
You know at various parties and other instances people do care and do try. It's often times family that is more difficult. And you know what, if my name wasn't actually gender neutral I would be kind of weirded out at first because of familiarity of my male name. It takes time to even refer to other transgender people by their proper pronoun because of society integrating the conventional concept of he and she. Glad you had a great time. And as far as you not passing, please go look at my oldest pics and see where I was vs. where I am now. I know I'm not a flawless model, but I'll be damned if I can't at least be the cute girl next door.
I kinda get this, I'm too scared to ask people to use male pronouns for me because I feel like since I don't pass I'll just feel like a huge joke or a fake. Also, it takes time to adjust to a different name/pronouns, even if they are the right ones for you.
