The longer you doubt/less sure of yourself, the less likely it is?

Well it is a process. I had an idea I was different when I was younger but I hated myself and the potential of being more than a crossdresser. It was the shame of having these feelings.

When I kept realizing I wanted to look and be perceived as a female and yes, attire is part of gender presentation, I started getting into makeup and wearing less gender neutral or androgynous clothing and went very heavy into the feminine. I definitely wanted to pass. I knew it wasn't a phase because it kept coming back, stronger and stronger. Otherwise this has been about a 20 something year phase.

 

I've felt similarly but as time has gone on, I'm more and more sure. Perhaps you just need more time for it to sink in and get used to the idea. I certainly did.

---------- Post added 8th Dec 2014 at 05:18 PM ----------

Oh, I should also add that even now I get the occasional doubts when I start reminiscing about the past. For example, I have recently been clearing out our loft and came across all of my old toys and stuff and things I made at school. When I cast my mind back to those times, the trans feelings just weren't there. I felt that I was somehow different but I never ever suspected it was my gender. The feelings of wanting to be a boy just weren't there. So if I spend an extended amount of time thinking back on the past then I do have real doubts.

 

Kind of the same from me too, i always knew there was something different about me to 'other girls'
However i didnt know it was gender related til i was 14. Even then i stuck my head in the sand and said it must be a phase and it wasnt possible. Then it was about 6 months later i was still feeling the same so i tried masculine expression and it fit somehow, even though before i used to dress in asian fashion, wear fake eyelashes, wigs etc. I just never felt real in it. So then i started to know it wasnt a phase, but kept denying it sort of out of shame, however i know i should be ashamed. Even now im not certain, but i keep making steps forward and steps back until i find whats right. Bottom line, i know its annoying but only time will strengthen how you feel and certainty will grow. Tbh i think the longer you question, it doesnt really make a difference because different people feel a level of certainty and different points. I hope you find some help in my answer.

 

Definitely. Even though for now I recently began identifying as trans*, I'm afraid of doing anything about it. I think I need some time to process things and try my best to keep my mind off of it just to let myself go with what I feel. I'm afraid if I think too hard my mind might start convincing myself of a certain decision that I might regret.

But it's so hard not to think about it.:bang:

 

i'm constantly questioning my identity, honestly. i've been trying to lay off the labels and look more at what i want to dress like, what i want my body to look like, etc. so although i don't know if i am in fact male, i know that i want he/him/his pronouns, to wear 'men's' clothing, not have a chest, have a deeper voice, etc. and that is good enough for me.

basically... going with what i want, not what a label entails, has been going pretty well for me.

 

I don't think the period of time is relevant. Everyone is going to be different and have a different story, even if all the news stories are about people who knew by the time they were 5, that doesn't go for everyone. It's normal to have doubts, it's normal to second guess yourself. I think it's better to take more time and be sure than it is to rush into it because you are afraid of your doubts.

I have been questioning for probably over 2 years and actually a few days ago I told my therapist (who I've been seeing for a few months) that I feel ready to start testosterone. My personality is one that questions my own judgement on matters constantly, and I think this is one of the big reasons I've been so unsure for this long. Unlike other matters, this isn't something I can ask for a second opinion on. It has to come from me. And it's taken me a long time to get to the level of certainty I'm at now.

I completely understand where you are coming from as far as doubts go. Ironically, it seems for a lot of genderqueer/trans* individuals, our uncertainty makes us even more doubtful. Because we live in a cisnormative society, where we are told "cisgender until proven otherwise." So we feel like we have to prove to the world that we are transgender before it is acceptable for us to transition. I once read somewhere that you should think of it more along the lines of "is it more likely that I am transgender or more likely that I am cisgender?" It's really a question you need to answer for yourself, unfortunately, but I think it is good advice.

I hope that helps some.

 

Defense mechanism, we want to run to what i9s most comfortable.

You are trans.

You will experience feelings of wanting to belong.

You will want to be long.

While it may seem easy, you are you, as you were made.