Possible transgender issues?

Hi everyone! And thank you for your kindness and support!

I am currently 28 years old male and I have been dealing with various issues concerning my sexuality since my childhood. First I would like to admit that I am prone to be somewhat overly analytical and therefore some of you might think I should just relax and take my time.

I write this message to gender identity and expression section because my I am trying to figure out if I might have some extra concerns that I might have subdued unconsciously. My story is the following one.

I come from a homophobic family and didn't accept my own bisexuality for a really long time. Coming out to myself happened at the age of 22. However I have always "known" that since I was like 8 years old. I am quite open about it and have had experiences with both sexes. Some of my friends know it as does my mother.

During the past four or five years I have developed some kind of transvestic fetisism that was unlocked in my previous long-term relationship with my ex-girlfiend. We kind of discovered it together and she was the one to suggest me to try crossdressing. I tried and liked it and it came part of our sexlife as well. For me this was a huge thrill because I would get really turned on by the idea of being in a "girl's role" in a sex act. This started also dominate the imagery of my private sexual fantasies. My fantasies were predominately homosexual but I would also get turned on by the idea of of having sex with a woman while dressed up. Ultimate kick was still the idea of me being a woman and having sex with a man.

This has continued for many years now.

I haven't been in a romantic relationship for a long time since our breakup two years ago. Mainly because I am confused by myself and therefore avoid getting too intimate with women and men.

I used the world "transvestic fetishism" to describe myself because I generally dress in lingerie which is iconic and highly eroticed piece of women's garment. My crossdressing seems to be 90% of the time sexual but I don't deny that there have been moments when it just felt good. However after having an orgasm I get really quickly uncomfortable with my expression and feel more natural being just my masculine part.

What I am here to ask you guys is that how could I understand myself better? This is the problem. Here are some key ideas I have come up with to make more sense of my mind:

- As I have never had any crossdressing fantasies or urges before being 24 years old, could this fantasy world be my way to cope with my internalised homophobia? This is a problem for me because I still feel shame about myself being a bisexual and somehow less a man. Could fantasizing about homosexual sex act while being dressed up and acting like a girl, be my way to deal with my anxiety of taking a passive role with a guy?

- Could my daily use of pornographic material be somehow related to this as well? My fantasy material is pretty much revolving around my idea of being the woman instead of the guy who is penetrating. When I cut off from excessive masturbation however, my sex drive seems to become more orientated to real life and women as well. Less I consume porn the more I get excited with real women I meet.

- In my opinion I don't suffer from any gender dysphoria but I have felt for many years now that the best "gender" for me would be able to switch between male/female bodies on demand :lol: Therefore I have come up with self-diagnosis that I am androgyne by my spirit but still inclined to male role by my gender expression.

- Do you think I might be transgender? This would be really a shock because I've never felt like that for the most of my life.

Thanks for you all!

(&&&)