Would Getting Pregnant Make Me Change?

Being pregnant is quite a responsibility and should not be rushed.

You might think about seeking counseling, with a gender therapist, or someone from an lgbt center.

They should help you sort out your feelings and what you really want.

You might think about building some community... here on EC, talking to others, or maybe support groups in your area...


(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

Please please please do not do that! Though I am not a psychologist/doctor, I am certain that getting pregnant will at best simply fail to make you feel female, and at worst seriously exacerbate your depression and feelings of dysphoria. Also getting pregnant for the sake of changing yourself is not the best reason to have a baby – ideally you would choose to get pregnant because you want a child.
I'm in a similar position to you in that I do not want to come out publicly and deal with the shame etc., but I know that since I started beginning to accept my identity about 8 months ago I've been feeling a lot less depressed. It was rocky at first, because I was really confused and in denial, but then as I became more educated on the topic and realised that the few friends I'd told still supported me, I felt myself becoming more confident and happy – I'm still not fully who I want to be, but it's better than it was last year! So I promise, IT CAN GET BETTER! (*hug*) (&&&) Love and support to you

 

i think the only reason anyone should get pregnant/have a baby in some way... is to extend the love of a relationship. i dont think getting pregnant is the greatest idea right now. youre only 19 and i know some people cope at 19 and being a parent, it really isnt easy at all. bringing a baby into some feelings youre not so sure of, really isnt good at all. youll have to look after that baby for 18 years+ and youll have to find a good job, if you dont have a partner who can help you out. your parents pribs wont like the idea (if you still live at home). and youll have sleepless nights, if youre in college/school then youll probably get behind on that becuase of your baby being awake at night. then maybe even kicked off the course as youll be so behind, so then your college course will be another year out. you wont be able to go out with your friends much because youll have to find childcare and then you wont be out much anyway through paying for childcare. then there is childcare for when youre at school/college/work, the endless clothes youll have to buy becuase they grow so quick, the endless supply of baby wipes, nappies, everything. where will your baby sleep? how will you buy a cot/bedding/extra clothes youll outgrow probs from gaingin your baby bump. how will you maintain feeding a baby when they get to solids? how will you heat your house? how will you feed yourself? a baby most certainly isnt a walk in the park at all. they cost an awful lot of money, then you wont have any money for yourself really because it will all go on milk and nappies.

a lot of men most certainly have maternal instincts. it isnt just a female thing. men can love/want a baby just as much as women. some men i know want children, but some women dont so it isnt a set in tone thing. vice versa.

i think you should seek help via a dr or something, as talking this out would be the best option. getting pregnant isnt the route i would take at all.

 

I work with children, and one of the most frustrating things is seeing kids disadvantaged by neglectful or abusive parents. Unless you feel that as you are right now you are financially, psychologically, and emotionally ready to raise a child then don't have one. Because too many people have kids to try and fix a relationship, because after they have one maybe they'll start liking children, because then they'll stop drinking/doing that one drug, and what you get are abused, neglected, drug muddled children with even more issues than their parents. Having children should be about the children, not you.

Why don't you look into higher education? That will get you out of town and into a new environment, and most universities in the US have counseling availabilities that are both confidential and won't create a permanent record. You could also go to a therapist for anxiety or depression, and use that safe space to explore your gender identity.

Perhaps you could get a job in a bigger, or at least more liberal city? There will probably be more LGBT groups there, and you'll be away from the family and folks that know/judge you.

 

Why not talk to trevor's project? Get Help Now | The Trevor Project They have online advocates, text, as well as you can call. It's private and free.

I'm not transgender, but if you did get pregnant i think that would cause more dysphoria with your body than you have now. Also, having children takes a lot of time out of your schedule, they cost a lot of money (have to feed, clothe, and give them medical care), & they are someone who heavily depends on you physically/mentally/emotionally. You need to be as stable as possible financially and you need to be able to handle emotional/mental/physical stress.

I think it's a bad choice to get pregnant and I think the child will pay for it the most. This is another life that you are affecting. You should have a child because you can take care of them and crave to be a parent. You shouldn't have a child hoping it will fix the things you are going though. Because a child won't fix anything in all honesty.

 

Well, doing dude bro things I actually like doing ... but doing them as male seems hollow to me. In no way is drinking and acting a fool the same as pregnancy but every time I present as male and do it I feel fake like a fake me is having a good time.

Trying to force yourself into something to "make you straight" or "not trans" will not make it go away. I threw so many dresses and skirts and shoes away thinking I need to "purge" because it isn't normal.

This feeling doesn't go away.

 

Also it is a responsability for life. Your kid will be always your kid, doesn't matter she/he is 5 or 40.
Then you have the part of probably having to deal with the father, the financial stuff...

I don't think that's a good idea.(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

Sorry, but if you truly are trans, you can't get rid of it and live as a girl. People have been trying to do that before.

Pregnancy is a bad idea, as others have said, it will most likely increase dysphoric and put extra responsibilities on you.

Best thing to do is talk to a therapist. Before you do anything you'll regret.

 

Sorry to tell you this, but I really don't think it can go away. I've tried to suppress it and it never worked. Getting pregnant could be very bad for your mental health too

 

I once thought the same thing, I thought being a mom would make me feel more female.

Well, I can give you an answer. No, it most definitely will not help you feel more female. At all. If anything, it makes dysphoria and the feelings of not fitting in so much worse because you're taking on yet another gender role that doesn't fit the way you feel.

I love my kid, don't get me wrong, and I don't mind being a "parent", but I don't really like being a "mom." Maternal instinct is hogwash.

If I had gone through the process when I was 19, knowing what I was like at that time, it would have been really bad for my mental health, and not good for the baby, either.

 

I'm sorry but I really think that's a bad idea for the reasons everyone has already said.

 

Take into consideration the hormone fluctuations during pregnancy. Seriously think about it. If looking at yourself now makes you depressed, imaging it when you're pregnant. Not to mention the pressure you're inadvertently putting on that child-to-be. Getting pregnant does not make you a woman; at the very least it would make you a really dysphoric man. Seriously do not. I'm not trying to sound rude, but by going through with this not only are you making yourself feel worse but that child will feel pretty shitty, too. Imagine if he/she/xe finds out that the only reason why they were conceived was because you wanted to deny your identity. There was no love or desire for the child itself. You'd feel emotionally detached and that's probably one of the worse kinds of neglect. I just think it's a bad idea all around.

I sincerely advocate for therapy in whatever form you can get it from. I hope you can eventually come to terms with who you are.

 

Okay, everyone else has pretty much gotten the point across.

Yes, there are plenty of transgender men who do get pregnant and carry kids. But this decision isn't to be taken lightly, and it's not something that's going to automatically make your feelings of dysphoria go away and make you "happy with being female".

One, it's not fair to your child. You're basically using a child for personal gain. I understand how strong social pressures must be but can you imagine what would happen if you got pregnant, carried a child to term, and then realized that having a child didn't make your feelings of being male go away? That's not fair to your child- they didn't ask to be born, they didn't ask to do such a thing- and if anything else, I would hope you would consider your child's welfare.

If you do want a child, don't use it as a tool to trying to suppress your feelings of wanting to transition or be male. Because chances are, it probably won't do either. All it'll do is exacerbate already prominent feelings of dysphoria.

 

I definitely agree with what people are saying here. It's something where you should try to figure out without the aspect of pregnancy. If you are not trans*, then you are going to have a big responsibility on your hands for the rest of your life, and if you ARE trans*, it will make you miserable. Pregnancy definitely isn't about to make dysphoria go away, and really it's not that great of an indicator anyway.

There are plenty of reasons why someone would be happy or unhappy with pregnancy. I say take some time and explore your feelings, definitely try to get a therapist if possible. There's no rush, mate. You've got years ahead of you. Better to spend the time you need to figure yourself than it is to make a hasty choice trying to get an answer sooner and end up having regrets.

 

Everyone's right, it may not be what you wanted to hear but they're right. If you're already depressed, even without being trans, I would say do not get pregnant. And I agree with the others that said that it'll probably make the dysphoria worse. Think about when you get your period, does it make everything worse? It does for me, and I can't help but think that being trapped in a very obviously feminine position like pregnancy would be hell. It's not worth it. (I'm not even going to touch the possible affects on your child.)

You're 19, go to college. Get out of that town. Get a community. Accept yourself, you don't have to come out just be honest with yourself in private. Talk to people! Burying your feelings and denying yourself is the worse thing you could possibly do.

 

Pregnancy would increase your dysphoria. It wouldn't be a good idea. You should consider talking to a gender therapist.

 

The hormones themselves are not what are making your dysphoric. Because of this, the changes in hormones from pregnancy would not change what you are feeling. If you are having these feelings now, then most likely if you get pregnant you will experience these feelings to a higher degree.

I'm sorry that your family has told these things. It is clear that they are not accepting of you, and they are trying to get you to be a girl that you sound like you are not. I personally think that it is pretty reckless of your parents to tell you to get pregnant. Pregnancy involves a lot of responsibility, and at 19, you have a lot more life to live before you should have kids (if you even want them). It's not fair to you, the unborn child, or your family if you are not prepared to fully care for a child.

 

that "someone" and a bunch of other folks here are absolutely right. do not get pregnant. it will make things much worse. only get pregnant when having a child is more important that anything else in life. and you need to be at the top of your game before even thinking about getting pregnant. get the right medical help, or keep getting the right medical help, until you are able to come out of the depression (&&&)