Okay, well first off my real name isn't Billie. It's the name I would choose if I had the gut to tell myself I'm FTM. Right now I'm 16 and I know I am a boy. Being a girl for me feels forced and an act I have to play. And play really badly. Girls are like a different creature to me. Even with the girls I do fit in with I feel like I'm still different from them. I don't feel different wit the boys I fit it though. I'm basically one of them. I hate being a girl and all things that's related to being a girl. I even cry sometimes because I'm a girl and just wish I was a normal guy. Me being a boy makes sense. It clicks not so as forced. Yet when I think I am boy I tell myself I'm not and that I am a girl and have to deal with it. I tell myself that I'm stupid and crazy for thinking this way because if I was a boy I would be born as a boy. I hate everything about my body and I'm not sure it's bc I'm trans or bc of my health issues. And also I would never pass. I have such a baby face and my voice is just a girls voice. And yeah I'm stupid. Sorry.
Dude, it's totally okay to accept who you feel you are. I am still questioning my sexuality now. I'm 14 and I have some feelings for guys and I'm not sure what they mean. I think it helps to just go in front of the mirror and just say, "I am _______. I am _______" and do that until you feel confident. That's what I do. Don't feel like there's a rush if you're not ready though.
(*hug*) You might have a look at this: Am I Transgender or Transsexual - Teens Wonder Am I Transgender or Transsexual and this: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/anony.../147192-transitioning-where-do-i-start.html#4 The tg spectrum goes i.e. from people living with almost androgynous appearance, to styling more like the preferred gender, to taking hormones, to srs. Of course the list is not all possible options. It's up to you to collect further information... You might also for example talk to a gender therapist or someone from an lgbt center or a counselor from school, if that's what you want. You might say you want some counseling. And there might even be support groups in your area. I would do things I'm comfortable with, don't feel pressured to do something... its your decision, and it can be fun along the way... There is no only one right way to do this. Its your choice what you want to do... Its a lot of information... I'd say take your time... and ask if you have questions... You might build some community on EC... talking to others via wall messages for now and after 14 days apply for full membership and join the chat and exchange private messages. (*hug*)
Well if you ever decide to medically transition, your face and voice would change. Also you might feel better if you accepted with and came to terms with your identity better. If you are able to see a gender therapist that would probably help.
I'm sorry you're going through this, it's a really difficult thing to deal with but you just have to take it slow. There's nothing saying that there are gender norms for girls or boys; just all of it is very institutionalized. Of course, if you feel like you're trying too hard to "fit in" and are having difficulty functioning, I do think you should speak to others on this forum that could help. You just have to be kind to yourself and just take it one day at a time. I do agree that if you can go to a gender therapist, it would be a great help. If not, a school counselor might be someone you can speak to who might be able to find someone who specializes in this for you. You're not alone. Just take a deep, slow breath and take it slow.
