That's something I've been wondering after figuring out my gender identity, but I haven't been able to get an answer. I don't like feminine clothes and makeup because I don't feel good wearing them like many girls around my age seems to feel. I'm unable to understand why they need to use these kind of things. The only reason for me to put on makeup would to make other people enjoy my looks because I don't. I'm completely indifferent to it. I noticed that while I don't enjoy very much these kind of feminine things, I have some interest in masculine clothes and one of the first things I'd do once I got able to live alone would crossdress. I also like some of my "masculine" traits in my appearance and preffer to use what most people'd call men's clothes. I'm thinking about working out to get a more pleasing physical appearance to me. Now, here comes what makes me feel confused and wonder wheter I fit into the butch lesbian label: 1. When people point masculine things about me I feel ashamed, but I feel flattered when they point out the feminine things(sometimes I feel angry istead). 2. I have a greater amount of feminine traits in my personality than masculine ones. 3. I might enjoy using very light makeup and I'd like to try some DMAB feminine clothes. 4. Sometimes I like using high heels.
Not all 'femmes' even wear feminine clothing or makeup, which is where the term 'blue-jeans femme' comes from. We can consider ourselves any label we want. Personally I go with 'soft butch' which is just supposed to mean androgyny, maybe that fits you too?
Perspective from across the abyss: 1 I was pressuring myself to conform to my own arbitrary expectations. In my school days when guys would say "don't be a pussy", my feeling of shame (whatever the context was) would be me rejecting myself because I failed to be as masculine as I thought I was supposed to be. Even in adult life there are social situations where things get competitive. On top of all my other insecurities, I just don't have the energy to keep hating myself and put on a masculine mask any more. 2 And that's OK. No-ones forcing you to pick a 'side'. 3/4 go for it. Femme/butch - they're just labels.
