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Non-binary stories

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by GreyArchery, Dec 14, 2014.

  1. GreyArchery

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    Hey all,

    I've been doing a lot of looking and reading on the site, but I seem to be having a hard time finding a lot of non-binary stories, specifically people who identify as agender, neutrois, genderless, and gender neutral.

    I know some people define these terms similarly or view them as similes. I've been trying to figure out my own gender identity, and so far I've figured out that I'm non-binary, but where exactly I fall in that category is still kind of a mystery to me. I'm not looking to fit myself into a neat little box - I know that everybody interprets and experiences their gender identity differently. What I'm looking for are stories or experiences so that I can try and see what I can relate to most.

    Here's a bit more about myself and how I view gender, if that will help.
    I am FAAB and don't necessarily mind having been born genetically female, and honestly until recently I never even really thought about my gender or was bothered by not knowing my gender identity. I've got some body issues - mainly because I'm overweight - but I know that I would like a flatter chest so that I could wear vests and actually have them look the way I envision. When I think about my gender, I kind of come up empty. I can recognize societal gender differences, and I know that I don't fit into the stereotypical female category. So far, I've not been bothered with gendered pronouns, nor am I bothered when someone calls me 'sir' at a store. I dunno, I just kind of *exist* as me.

    I'm hoping that if I can read more experiences and stories from other non-binary people that I'll be able to figure out which term I'd prefer to use and identify as.

    Thanks in advance everyone!
     
  2. YuriBunny

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    Hm, well I'm a demigirl (mostly girl partly genderless) so I guess I'm not completely nonbinary, but anyway I'll refer in this post only to my genderless self.

    For me, it's a sense of feeling completely apart from girls and boys. I don't relate to either very well. I'm okay with being referred to by female pronouns, but if anyone calls me feminine or masculine I get upset. I dress gender-neutral except when I'm feeling more like a girl. I'm okay with doing things that are considered stereotypical for girls or boys, but I do not consider the things to be gendered when applied to myself. I disassociate myself from boys and girls to the point where it confuses some people. Also I think of myself more as a human being rather than a gender identity. I am only mildly dysphoric, occasionally being disturbed when I look at myself in the mirror and see my long hair (I refuse to cut it for some sort of obsessive-compulsive reason).
     
  3. wasgij

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    I'm also finding it difficult. How about I gather my scattered thoughts, and we can go through them here?

    Since my epiphany the other week, I've thought a lot about being a female stuck in a male body.
    But I don't want to reject or be hateful of my biology either.
    I'm slowly getting a new understanding of my personal history, thinking about my friendships through school life and higher education, and thinking about family life. Thinking about the small personal hardships I faced with trying to fit in, and relating with peer groups.
    I've been thinking about my lack of fashion sense, and my lack of rebelliousness. It has been an introspective journey, lots of ego and navel-gazing, which would not be possible if I hadn't somehow "cornered" myself in this direction by my epic self-sabotage, procrastination, and paralysis in my personal life.

    Maybe it's dysphoria, I'm not sure. Does it ring a bell for anyone? My life memories feel like they were tinged with a lot of unhappiness. My family sort-of accepted that as the normal me. I was often gloomy, grumpy, frowning, or short-tempered, and it was normal. It never crossed my mind that maybe it wasn't my real baseline and that maybe I was unhappy about something.

    It seems tricky for me. When I started consciously thinking about my feminine side in a positive light, I definitely felt some inner tension suddenly resolve itself. And I'm kind-of stuck there at the moment. I'm scared to reject my masculine side or to entertain any decisive MtF thoughts. Even though I mentioned masculine and feminine "sides", I think they're parts of a whole, which is trying to work cohesively:bang:. So I think gender-fluid might work for me.

    Maybe one day I'll be demi-gender, if I can somehow see the different parts of my mind more clearly. Or maybe I'll be MtF, if it turns out that my male side is more smoke and mirrors.
     
  4. GreyArchery

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    Thanks for sharing Yuri! This seems really similar to how I view myself as well. I don't think I go so far as to disassociate myself from genders, but I definitely feel more like a person rather than a gender identity. Someone else on EC suggested that I might be genderless but I had a really hard time finding stories and information about it, hence the thread. Thanks again, you've definitely given me a couple other things to think about. :slight_smile:

    Thanks for sharing Wasgij. Gender-fluid does sound like what you're going through right now. My issue is that I don't really see me as having masculine and feminine sides. *shrugs* I understand that there are certain things that I do - in the way I act, think, dress, etc - that lean more towards masculine or feminine societal 'norms'. For me, I just kind of *am*. And it's a bit hard finding someone (or more accurately their story/experiences) with similar feelings, which is why I'm in a kind of limbo right now.

    I definitely agree that gender identity can - and probably will - change over time, as we get a better understanding of ourselves. Like I've said before, I've never really questioned my gender identity before, so it's really hard at times for me to try and identify things like masculine and feminine in regards to myself. I wish you luck in your soul searching. Hopefully we both find an answer soon. (*hug*)
     
  5. QuiteAlright

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    This is pretty much exactly me. I've taken to calling myself "agender/gender neutral". Gender just seems like arbitrary social categories. I kind of get the idea that most people have an innate "gender sense" in their head that tells them they align more with this category or that one, and I don't. I just don't ever think about it. I don't care what pronouns people use, I don't care about being called "sir" or "ma'am" or "he" or "she", it doesn't feel that important. It seems like gender is really really important to a lot of other people and to me it's just...not. When I hear trans people talk about how important it is to them to be recognized as one gender or another, I can't relate. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not doubting them in the slightest and I respect how they feel as being legitimate and meaningful. I can sympathize, I just can't empathize.) It's probably kind of like how nonlibidoist-asexuals feel when people start talking about sex, haha.

    I have been trying to get people to call me a more neutral name though, because my name is super girly and I'd like other people to not *immediately* gender me just based on that. I just feel like neutral stuff, neutral dress, neutral name, fit me better as a person.
     
  6. YuriBunny

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    This is basically how I feel (whenever I don't feel like a girl).
     
  7. GreyArchery

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    Thank you QuiteAlright - this is the first agender/gender neutral story that I can really relate to. I hear you on finding a neutral name - I hate my first name, and always have. It's one of those names that is a slightly uncommon spelling, so when I was younger it was always mispronounced or I'd get papers back with my name misspelled. Plus its full of vowels and softer sounds, and I much prefer hard consonants.