Hello~ I've recently began to question my gender and I'm at a point where I just can't tell some things anymore. I'm AFAB and I've never really questioned it for a long time because it never seemed very relevant to who I am at all. People call me "girl" and I just accepted it because I didn't care. When I think of my gender identity now, it just feels kind of...muddled, I guess. But recently, I've started to be less and less comfortable with being seen as female. I've never been able to relate to girls and how they think, and I realized that a lot of my mannerisms and how my mind "works" are like a male's (blunt, difficulties empathizing, can't articulate emotions, etc). I've always found guys easier to talk to and most of my friends are male. I'm also very uncomfortable with my chest region, tiny as it already is, and have recently begun binding to make myself feel more at ease. I've never experienced a sense of dysphoria for anything "down there" though, and I just don't really think much about it. I dress in an androgynous manner and there's around a 40-60% chance strangers would think I'm guy, in which case I never correct them. I've actually identified as agendered for about a year or so until I started questioning again for the past month. What happened was that I had to go to some sort of formal event with my mother (whom I haven't come out to), and so I naturally decided to bind my chest and dress up in a suit, because I absolutely cannot stand dresses. I passed almost perfectly, and whenever I was alone people just assumed that I was a guy, and it felt weirdly good to me. However, when my mother would introduce me to someone as "her daughter" or correct someone when they use "he" pronouns, I felt really uncomfortable. In fact, I got so upset at some point that I left early and waited in the car for about an hour. It's really confusing because I've never cared if people saw me as a girl or boy before, but when I do manage to pass as male, it suddenly becomes an issue for me when I get "outed"? Any insights/advice would be greatly appreciated!
Do you think that you want to be seen as male? Do you see yourself as male? It could be possible that you are more a more masculine leaning agender person, or that you are a trans male. I started to have the same feelings right before I came out as being a trans male (I previously identified as pangender). It started to feel good to be recognized as male, and I would get a little mad when people corrected it. So, it could be a sign that you are a trans male, or it could be a sign that you are a masculine leaning agender person. That will just take some exploring to figure out.
I identified as agender for about 5 months, but it was never enough, and eventually I realized I was actually a guy. Do you feel genderless or do you feel like a guy inside?
Wow thanks for the replies guys! I definitely feel more comfortable expressing myself as a boy. I think what I'm currently realizing is that I want people to view me as male, but I'm unsure as to what I personally think I am. Do I feel I'm a guy? A large part of the problem is that I don't know what feeling like anything else is supposed to be like, so there's no stick to measure myself up against, so to speak. As Brad said, I think I have a lot of exploring to do
I relate a lot to what it seems like you're feeling right now! Sometimes it feels like my identity fluctuates a lot between feeling a lot like a guy to feeling ambiguous. Either way you can always try out genderfluid or transmasculine and see if that fits. It might also be, now that you are getting more used to being seen as a guy, you're able to be more comfortable thinking of yourself as a guy and coming to terms with what might possibly be a transgender identity. Whatever identity you might eventually fit in with, good luck!
When I first started questioning, I didn't really know what it meant to "feel like a guy" either, but I knew I wanted a male body, and I like other people to view me as male, and I feel more comfortable expressing myself as male. Exploring your feelings further will probably help.
You remind me of me when I first started questioning. I'd say wait it out, it takes time to figure out your gender in some cases
