My older sister came home yesterday, and is very tiring to deal with. I came out to her about my sexuality last year, but not gender identity. Some of the things she says just really bug me. I guess I needed a place to rant. Sis: Don't take this badly... (haven't left the airport yet) but you're hair looks like *guy from high school* you really need to get it cut. ... Sis: *Manta* let's go get a manicure. I want a manicure. They're really nice. Me: I'm all for doing something together, but I've never had and never want a manicure. Sis: Oh come on, you could get a neutral color or just the tips so you can clip it off before school starts if you're really that lame. This went on for fifteen minutes :bang: Sis: Your pants don't fit right. Me: Yes they do. Sis: They're too baggy. I know you like loose pants, but you know they make loose pants that aren't so.... you need better pants. Are you really going to go out like that? They are guy pants. Of course they don't emphasize my hips, which was the real problem :tantrum: My sister also doesn't have her own room since it was converted into my dad's office. I took the guest room, and she got a bed in the office, which she didn't like. Sis: Why can't we just share your bed? Me: It's not big enough for the two of us. (and I'm a guy.) Sis: Yes it is! You're just being selfish! (everyone else agrees there isn't room!) This went on for a long time and keeps coming up! :tantrum: Sharing a bed never ended well as kids, and it wouldn't end well now either. Not to mention how uncomfortable that would make me. But she won't drop it. Well, if it's not one thing with her, it's another. :dry: Sorry about the rant. I'm about to start spending a lot less time at home...
Your sister sounds like she cares about you, wants to spend time with you, and wants to look out for you. If she doesn't know that you're a guy, then she can't do that properly. If you feel safe, tell her!
Yeah, that's what makes it so difficult. She's very temperamental, and has put a lot of pressure on me to come out to my parents since I came out about my sexual orientation. I'm worried she'll put even more pressure on me if I come out about being a guy.
I kinda agree, it sounds like she cares but isn't getting it... Since she doesn't know. I wish my sister bugged me half as much tbh, kinda jealous.
So it sounds like she's been trustworthy and supportive about your sexual orientation? I say go for it. Having an ally, especially someone inside your family, changes everything. Even if you don't tell anyone else in your family, having her know that you're a dude can be your secret that brings you together until you feel ready to take the next step with your parents.
Whereas I have a brother who happily slammed the door in my face when bullies were chasing me down the street (true story when I was 9) I think you should just talk to her. If she's been good about your orientation then she should be okay with your gender
Can I just say as a bio-male, there aint nothing wrong with a guy getting a mani/pedi, and dammit it feels amazing. I say if you want your hands and/or feet did, (talking to guys cis or trans), own that shit dont be ashamed of it.
It sounds like you two have a really good relationship. I'm a little jealous. I know it's awkward and dysphoric her wanting you to be more girly but it shows she wants to spend time with you at least. My sister won't even look at me.
I agree with what other people have said, it sounds like she cares about you and wants to spend time with you but she doesn't know the full picture so it's not coming across in a good way. If you trust her enough to come out that might make things easier, but if you think she would pressure your to tell your parents before you're ready then you might want to wait. My relationship with my brother is pretty much the opposite, I keep trying to get in touch but he ignores me. I can't help but wonder if maybe my dad outed me to him (my dad and brother live together out of state) and now he won't talk to me because he thinks trans men are "weird and gross" :rolle:
oh gosh gender policing can be really frustrating, but yeah as other people have said, she seems to really care about you and wants to be closer with you which is awesome. If you don't want to talk with her about your gender identity maybe talk to her about your gender expression? I've done that with my family and they've stopped/slowed down with the "Why dont you wear more dresses/let your hair grow out!!" stuff
This is my personal experience with a sibling and my gender identity... My sister is 11 years old and she doesn't quite understand gender identity yet, but she is the only family member I have ever felt comfortable telling about my gender. She knows that some days I feel like her sister, and other days I feel like her brother. So she calls me her brother-lady (a reference to the children's television program "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.") I am just fine with her calling me that, it doesn't offend me in any way shape or form. When my mother and father question me and give me a hard time about my gender expression (typically a combination of male and female), my sister will just put her hand on my shoulder, or rub my back, or even give me a funny face from across the room to make me feel better. For me, my sibling was the best thing that ever happened to me. This is my advice to you... It sounds to me like your sibling loves you very much. Even if her love is misplaced. She probably feels herself drifting from you and she wants you guys to be able to relate more on certain things. She grew up having you as a sister and, she probably doesn't understand how to cope with the fact that she now might have a brother.
Thank you everyone for the advice! I've been thinking about having her watch the "Ending Gender" TED talk to test the waters and make sure she has some understanding of where I'm coming from if I do come out. We've never been especially close, which is part of why I think I came out to her first, since I never see her and it made telling her "safe" in the sense that it would be low-impact on my life. To me it doesn't seem like she's reaching out, but I'll put some consideration into it. She doesn't like to stay at home, and just badgers me if she can't get one of her friends to hang out with her. Since she just got home and all her friends are out of town, that seems the most likely... still, I think it is good advice to look at this as an opportunity.
