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Suspending Judgement

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Tai, Dec 20, 2014.

  1. Tai

    Tai
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    So my parents sat me in the living room today and told me they were upset I had set my Facebook pronouns to male ones. My dad was concerned that I would ge bullied, and my mom was thinking similarly. Though, she was more worried that I was not "suspending judgement" like we had talked about before I started therapy more than the bullying. When I first came out to them, Mom had called my great uncle, who has had about as much schooling as possible in the psychology field (though, not directly with trans issues). He had told her to tell me to go into therapy with an open mind and to suspend all judgement. I knew what he meant, and thought I knew how to do it, but it looks like I didn't. I explained to my parents that I had changed my pronouns before I started therapy, and my mom calmed down a little. It's just hard to suspend judgement when my mind is already set in one direction, and especially because it feels like the direction I should have been going all along. No one understands that I already feel so male, so much like I am transgender, that I can't simply suspend judgement. That's for people who are very unsure. I'm starting to get more sure of myself, and I was already at this stage before I started therapy; all I started it for was to get that additional push and note from the therapy saying that it's not just a phase; I'm not just losing my mind.

    TLDR: I am farther along the path of feeling male and feeling transgender than anyone around me thinks. Because of this, I can't suspend judgement very well. They think I'm still at square one, still at the very beginning of questioning. I still am doing therapy just to make sure I'm not going crazy and my trans-ness isn't a phase.

    This was kind of a rant, but also, I'm wondering if anyone out there has tips for keeping an open mind and suspending judgement.
     
  2. Tai

    Tai
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    Any advice?
     
  3. jay777

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    You might think about showing them the first pdf... but its your decision...
    http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/156085-i-just-im-kind-scared.html#4

    In life there are moments when we have to try something in order to find out.
    In order to define yourself and to make progress, you have to try.

    They think they protect you by postponing. But it should be your decision.
    They will have to admit that there were things they felt they were drawn to and had to try because otherwise they could not have made progress.


    The realtive of yours is not up to date in transgender issues.
    The downgrade of GID from a mental illness to a condition is not long ago.
    Findings that brains of transgender people resemble those of their gender idendity are also widespread not for too long.
     
  4. lymanclark

    lymanclark Guest

    Dude, I'm almost in the same boat. My parents tell me to keep an open mind and enjoy being a "strong woman"... But I've identified as male for well over a year now, and know that this isn't some trendy, "I'm so cool" thing. This is a matter of me crying over my female body and dreaming of magically turning male; off using fervently that I could be "normal", but knowing that I can never be.

    I think you get the feeling :grin: which is why you're upset.

    But look on the bright side! Your parents are sending you to therapy, right? That's more than you can say for my parents, and many other guys' parents, too. Maybe a professional diagnosis will serve to convince them of the authenticity of your transgenderism! Right? :icon_wink
     
  5. BradThePug

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    To find who you are, you have to be allowed to explore who you are. Right now, it sounds like they want you to explore, but they only want you to explore on the female side of things. It took you some time to realize that you are transgender, and to come to terms with that, and that sounds like what it going on with them. The main thing is that right now, you are going to therapy. So, you will be able to get what you need to transition. With time, and as they see that you are serious about this, they should come around more.
     
  6. Tai

    Tai
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    In my mom's case, she doesn't even think it's possible for me to be transgender. So it's a permanent postponing.

    ---------- Post added 21st Dec 2014 at 06:30 PM ----------

    The problem is, they believe a good therapist won't have to tell me what I am, but more like I'll find out myself by talking with them. But if they don't believe me, what's the point? :bang:

    ---------- Post added 21st Dec 2014 at 06:33 PM ----------

    I sure hope so. You're right; if I express femininity, they're fine, but if I express any masculinity, they ignore it. >.<