So as I've been doing some exploring on my gender identity..I guess this is kind of a follow-up from my very first post. I've...come to terms with my identity it I guess. I've had a lot of fears, and still do but I think I've figured myself out. Most of the time, I feel neutral. I don't necessarily feel male or female but if I just HAD to pick it would be male. Sometimes I feel male. Most of the time I'm presenting as male but if I stop and think, "Do I feel male?" a lot of the times I feel neutral. My desires to present very feminine have led me to question my identify as transmale. The few moments of "dress-up" that I've done, I don't feel like a feminine male. I don't feel female either. I still feel pretty neutral. People also usually don't really seem to know if I'm male or female and I kinda enjoy that still. So I've come to the conclusion that most of the time I feel neutral with varying expression depending on how I feel. That being said, I'm still okay with male pronouns and being referred to as male. I would be okay with gender neutral pronouns, probably especially when presenting more feminine but male pronouns don't make me feel dysphoric and I think this is because I have male leanings but generally I feel neutral. I think this explains why I've always said transmale describes me better than just male. I've basically figured myself except for "the label" which in some ways is unimportant to me but I know it's at least a starting point for people understanding who I am and it'll really just make me feel more connected to people because I already feel completely disconnected from the rest of humanity but I digress. Genderfluid I think is the closest term that I know of but since most of the time I feel neutral I just have different degrees of expression I feel like gender neutral is most the accurate. But I just sorta...came up with this. I don't really know if someone would think I'm weird for calling my gender neutral or if there's an already existing term that would describe that. And for some reason I just suck at googling things. I was curious about thoughts..and in some ways I'm also looking to connect with other non-binary people since this is kinda new to me. =/ I also fear that if I take on a gender identity that isn't "accurate" I'll just be told I'm not understanding and I'm a fake or something so it feels safer to just come up with my own term. I don't know. I also feel like there's no point in me making this post since I already made one a while ago with the same sort of questioning I was just a little less certain of myself. I'm more certain now I'm just scared and need a friend who understands?
Believe it or not, there are other people who use that exact term! Gender Neutral, I mean. And you definitely sound like you fit the description. Even if you didn't though, nobody ever fits a label perfectly. But that's good. We're all unique and I wouldn't want that any different. Feel free to message me anytime, okay? Good luck!
Ahh that's very reassuring! I suppose I should trust a term that comes to me rather than one I've searched for? Is this really something I should be getting all philosophical about? I don't know. I had many of the same doubts and worries when I was first coming out as trans....Thanks!