Do people who don't pass end of transition regret transitioning?

I don't think I'll be starting hormones for another year. I'm a late transitioner anyway at 27 and I'm worried that the age I'm transitioning at will affect my ability to pass. I don't think I will ever pass well as it is and I wonder if anyone knows whether people who don't pass regret transitioning.

 

Well, from my experience, no. My trans meet-up group had people, primarily women, who'd started transitioning from every age. Some people, you would have never known. Not everyone passed perfectly. But the overwhelming majority would always say that no matter they passed or not, transition was worth it.

 

I'm not going to lie, that's what I wanted to hear only I had recently heard of people transitioning in both directions regretting it because of not passing.

 

I just don't really hear a lot of stories about regretting transition though, honestly. Maybe it depends on the expectations one goes into transitioning with? Like many of the women I was in the group with had started later in life (many women were about 60+ years old) because of varying circumstances and had, from what they told me, figured they'd never perfectly pass as cis women but because they still got to transition anyway and at least be themselves, these women were beyond grateful and happy for themselves anyway.

Like for me, I want to imagine I'll end up as a big, powerful guy with a badass beard. It probably won't happen. I'll always have a big pelvis and the beard thing may not happen because of genetics but I'll at least have some of the effects and will be living as myself.

 

I'm 33.

I'm not on hormones. Tell me what you think about me.

 

I would say in theory, no, and I'm saying that because passing/related social reasons isn't the only reason to transition. Since gender identity is very much an internal thing and the desire to transition is usually related to wanting to match that identity, I think a lot of trans* people transition less to pass and more specifically to just feel more like themselves and to be able to recognize the person in the mirror.

Not that people don't want to pass or that passing doesn't matter to trans* people, of course, but my point is the desire to transition often doesn't solely root as wanting to be seen that gender by the rest of society, even if it is a big reason for some.

 

Well, judging from your profile picture you pass a hell of a lot better than I would pre-hormones.

---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2014 at 09:03 PM ----------

I understand what you're saying. It is about feeling more comfortable in your own skin and aligning your body with your internal feelings about your gender.

I suppose what I'm worried about is finding out post transition that I'll never pass and then added to that the fact that I'll always be recognizable as transgender and be discriminated against for that. Even though I may be more comfortable in myself, being treated poorly by others always brings me down, no matter how hard I try to fight against it.

For instance, I have, essentially, been cut out of my family. I know that they aren't worth my time and effort but that doesn't stop me getting hurt when I'm constantly rejected by them. I wish I could shrug it off and not care. I'm not unhappy with my own company. It just hurts knowing that people find me so hideous they won't touch me with a barge pole and that's my own family. I can only imagine how the rest of the world are going to treat me. The future doesn't look peachy from where I'm seeing it. I do try to sweep it under the carpet and push on with life but...

 

The issue with passing is for people to see you as how you want to feel inside matching the outside.

That's why to some people it's so important.

 

I'm not passing and I've been on hormones for 4 years and while I'm miserable and wish I was cis female every minute of every day, I don't regret transitioning.

Things were much worse before this. I don't have much in my life or a place in the world, but what little I have has come to me since transitioning and I can embrace it fully as someone attempting to be herself instead of a hollow persona with an embarassing secret who had to keep everyone at a distance to keep the charade going.

Envy, resentment, sorrow, sadness, but no regret.

 

I don't really think I pass that well. I'm pre-everything, other than my snazzy new haircut, but I don't think I'd be able to live properly without going through hormone treatment and surgery, regardless if I pass or not.

 

Thanks, Amira.

It's such a big decision I just want to make sure I'm going into this with my eyes wide open.

 

I'm genderfluid, not trans*, but I identify more strongly as the opposite sex than the one I was assigned at birth. Part of my decision to not transition has involved the fact that my body type (short, curvy female) is about as antithetical to male as you can get, and I'd rather be successfully female during the times I identify that way than unsuccessfully male during the other times.