I stumbled across this just now: Gender dysphoria in Asperger's syndrome: a caution. - PubMed - NCBI Apparently, people with Aspergers are more likely to develop obsessive interests with things - including gender dysphoria. So some Aspies may THINK they're trans, and exhibit symptoms of transgenderism... but ultimately end up cisgender, with the "phase" passing after a few years. And yeah, that's true, I've had my fair share of highly obsessive interests. But this has made me think. I started ID-ing as genderqueer immediately after I found out it existed; and I found out it existed when I Googled "I feel like a boy sometimes and a girl sometimes". And I really did feel like a boy, too; my "girl side" was mostly dressing up (but I always felt a bit awkward in those clothes). I thought I was evenly split - but when I came out to a friend and she remarked that I seemed more boyish than girly, I started to ID as more male. I read up on gender identity and LGBT stuff all the time - obsessively, really. And a few months after I discovered this world, I came to the conclusion that I was trans. A year later, I still identify as male. But after reading this, an unpleasant spiral of doubt hit me. - Can't stand having my breasts, especially my nipples, touched: dysphoria, or Aspie sensory issues? - I have seen myself as a boy when looking at myself topless in the mirror for years, even before I knew what trans meant: gender dysphoria, or Aspieness? - Like having a flat chest/prefer binding my chest: gender dysphoria, or Aspieness? - Really FTM finger ratio: can also apply to Aspies... - Social issues: caused by gender dysphoria, or Aspergers? - Strongly prefer male pronouns, never liked female ones: gender dysphoria, or Aspie pickiness about certain words? One thing that seems weird is that I hadn't read about transgender issues for a while, when I watched a movie. The male lead was pretty good-looking, and I couldn't stop staring at him. At first, I thought I was attracted to him. Then I realized that no, I wasn't, because I wouldn't want to be intimate with him at all (I don't swing that way). I was JEALOUS of him. Of his male looks, broad shoulders, etc. And I'd always been happy to have broad shoulders/wanted to broaden mine even more. Help!! I'm so confused, argh. I thought I had it all figured out, but now I'm not so sure. Will I "wake up in a few years", like the two men in that study did, and ID as a lesbian? Or am I really transgender? :eusa_doh::eusa_doh::eusa_doh::eusa_doh:
I'd guess your social skills are due to Asperger's, not dysphoria, but the rest could be either or both. That's a really interesting website. There probably are some genuine transgender folks among the Asperger's community. You may or may not be one of them. Don't eliminate the possibility completely. What I would say is, assess your behavior and the span of time across which it all happened. Were your trans behaviors apparent when you were really young? If so, they may have been happening for longer than that site declares a phase. If your trans behaviors have been happening for, say, ten years now, I think it's safe to assume it's not a phase and that you're trans.
Well, ever since I was a little kid, many of my best friends were boys; I related to them better, and felt a need to prove myself to them - like, "I am one of you! I like touching insects and playing cricket and stuff! I'm just like you." I've always been a little shyer around girls (even though I felt the need to prove myself to them as well - in a different way: "I'm not weird! I'll wear dresses so you don't make fun of me! I hope you think I'm attractive!"). Whenever I'm around only girls, even my best friends, I'll feel this sense of alienation: something along the lines of "I'll never really be one of you. I feel like my very presence is kinda disturbing the peace here; breaking the all-girl group model." This has been happening WAY BEFORE I found out about transgenderism - I've always dressed in a pretty masculine fashion (I did go through a phase where I was dying to wear skirts and dresses, mostly because I didn't want the girls in my school to make fun of me for being a lesbian), and have a tenor voice... And when I got together with my female friends, I would be, well, the odd man out. I'm torn now. Is this a manifestation of the fact that I'm not a girl? Or is it just that I - a sheltered, formerly homophobic, and highly moralistic conservative - felt dirty about my burgeoning attraction to girls, and awkward about my palpable weirdness when compared to neurotypicals? Also... I guess I'm pretty - in a stereotypically Indian, albeit skinny, way - so I would look at myself in the mirror and feel proud. But when I did, it was almost as if I were looking at someone ELSE'S body - some cute girl, whom I might have had a crush on had she not been ME. Now, for the past year and a half, when I look in the mirror, I square my shoulders and tighten my jaw in an attempt to look as masculine as possible. Anyway, that proud-of-my-girl-body thing happened only part of the time. The other part of the time, I would look at myself in the mirror, topless, and see myself as some wild, ancient boy, part of a mythical tribe. I guess that sounds silly - and considering the fact that I do have small breasts and used to have long hair, it's a little ridiculous that I would see myself as male: and yet, I did. My earliest story character, an avatar of me, was a little boy (but many later ones were girls - tomboyish girls who looked very similar to me). I've always disliked and felt uncomfortable with she/her pronouns and the words "woman" and "female". Ever since I started to develop breasts, at age 11, I've felt intense nausea and shame whenever I touched them. Always been a bit disconnected from my name; would much rather be a male character than a female one... Gah. Still confused. Advice?? I just can't stop fretting!! ---------- Post added 23rd Dec 2014 at 04:57 PM ---------- Autism Spectrum Disorders in Gender Dysphoric Children and Adolescents Well, I found this. It's a little old (2010), but interesting nevertheless. So the two conditions aren't necessarily exclusive, and it's possible for me to get HRT/SRS sometime in the future if I need to. Also, I'm 18. I started officially not-identifying-as-female at 16 and a half. I've felt different from girls since I was very young, and am much more comfortable with boys (as I stated earlier). I have had a weird and not-very-positive relationship with my body since I was a preadolescent (I've always hated my hips, ever since they developed some curves). Apparently, late onset GID is pretty much permanent. Maybe...?
