Hello, everyone! ^_^ I've come here for help, since a few friends have been lacking in that department. (I actually would put money on one of my transgendered friends says I'm lying or just looking for attention.). Anyway. This stems back to a few months ago-- probably even further than that. I was at a local show and ran into a long-time friend who I haven't seen in many months. I went on a tirade about how she didn't call, etc. She stopped me mid-stentence and said, "I know why you're so emotional. You're transgendered, just like me!" Then spouted off about how she could help me transition and the like. Though, I would hardly put any trust in her. She's a pretty shady character to begin with. I've also talked with a few of my female friends about it, and admitted that I do like the idea of dressing more feminine. I'm just worried that I won't "look," as feminine as I want because of my physical features. Though, I'm slowly working on that. One friend in particular wants to make me her "project," and help me look as feminine as I can. She seems the most supportive out of all the people I've told. I've told only a handful of people (including my dad; I told him I was androgynous .. and the first thing he asked me was "Are you gay?"), and they told me they would support me without judgment. Again, I don't know if I want to transition (partents would disown me completely, ha.), but I do want to dress more feminine; maybe with a bra that's stuffed too-- we'll see about that, though. I would really like some advice, or some help regarding this. I'm not sure what to define myself as, maybe you guys can help? Thank you so much!
First of all, attributing your expressing of your emotions to being transgender, or of any other gender, was not only misogynist but also transphobic on her part. Men form emotional connections and seek a sense of closeness with their friends and loved ones just as much as any other gender. Don't let ignorant stereotypes cloud the way you view yourself. Moving on to the interests that you do have, this is where it would help to learn a little bit more about the difference between gender and expression. Simply because you are interested in experimenting with non-traditional clothing does not mean that you are transgender or even androgynous necessarily. A feminine or androgynous man is still a man, unless they specify otherwise. Transgender women are far from merely men who prefer to wear dresses. The desire to explore your feminine side isn't necessarily going to mean racing from one extreme to another. You concept of androgyne or femininity could very well be much different from someone else's. Many people who are more in the middle of the spectrum experience periods of time when they feel more drawn to one side and later more drawn to the other. You don't want to free yourself from being trapped in mold only to jump right into another. You don't need to be as feminine or androgynous as possible; you need to be whatever truly brings you comfort. Wear the clothes that you want to wear. Express yourself in ways that come natural to you. Don't not allow your identity to be manipulated by anyone. You are not anyone's project. You are someone who has only recently begun to reevaluate and rediscover who you are; and someone who's journey of self-discovery needs to be carried out by you and on your terms solely.
Thank you for the advice! I was wondering why that whole "You're transgendered like me!" has been bothering me for a while. It's just the way it was put into context, I guess. I do want to experiment. Very much. I know I shouldn't allow myself to be a "project" of any kind, but the person that wants to help is androgynous, too. I'm sure she won't make me wear things I don't want to, but would give good suggestions. I do have to admit, though. I'm pretty sick of wearing nothing but clothes that say "I'm all guy!" All these dark colors .. Eh .. I feel much more comfortable as myself for the moment-- I've been shaving my facial hair almost daily (it's pretty disgusting having facial hair. lol). So that's a start! Now comes the clothing. It's a start, right? But, in some cases, do androgynous males end of transitioning? I'm just curious. Maybe it's not so much a gender issue for me after all.
You don't transition to change gender or expression. You transition to change sex. Transitioning is ultimately to make the one's appearance match their internal identity. Unless you have ever felt as though your biological/sexual attributes were in conflict with your personal identity, then there wouldn't be a need to transition. The interesting thing about exploration and experimentation is that the only opinion that matters is our own. It can definitely help to surround ourselves with people who consistently support and encourage our journeys, but no one can truly walk that path with you. Their job is simply to cheer on from the sidelines. The fact that she is gender non-conforming means nothing. What we all perceive as masculine/feminine/androgynous can vary greatly depending on the person. Not to mention, no one person is completely one way. You need to find what combinations of these qualities make up the person who you truly are inside. There are males who wear feminine clothing, yet loathe bright colors and floral. Who have never worn makeup a day in their lives. You need to discover your own identity and achieving true personal freedom means freeing yourself of the opinions and expectations of others, regardless of how well intended they might be. When it comes to your identity, your judgment is always right.
I don't mind floral or bright colors; rather, I like them a lot! But, is it not okay to have someone to guide you? I mean, as a reference? Not necessarily t say if you should wear something or not, but if it suits you?
