For most of my life I had no idea there was any real difference between sex and gender, I just thought they were two words for the same thing and I did no research of my own to learn more since I figured "it's not relevant to me, what do I care?" Then the one night I decided to look into it on a whim, and understood the idea that you can feel differently about yourself in a way that doesn't match your biological sex. Right then, a metaphorical volcano of realization and mild terror erupted in my head: "my biologically male sex doesn't match the way I feel about myself." "then how do I feel?" "not like a boy." "then what am I?" So I did research and I did soul searching. A couple things seem to come close to capturing the feeling I have about my gender: either I'm androgyne or maybe actually female gender. There's a few reasons I'm confused about which it could be ... maybe I'm on some kind of sliding scale between androgyne and female? I've heard the term "demigirl" used before, and maybe it describes me. But to clarify, these are the basic sum of my feelings on my gender: I think of myself to be far more female than male, but I can't say I wholly think of myself as a woman either. Like, I can't properly envision myself wanting to go through with surgery. At the same time, I'd rather be known as a girl, a sister, a daughter, a she, rather than anything male. Even the smallest mentions of me as a boy are personally frustrating to me. In a perfect world I'd have a body that combined the physical traits of both male and female that appealed to my identity most. Like, I definitely want to come out and tell my parents that I'm not a boy and don't feel that way, but before I do that I feel I need a better grasp on my own gender identity. It's not male but I feel it can't be wholly female either, I don't "feel like a girl trapped in a boy's body." More like ... "something" trapped in a boy's body, something far closer to a girl than a boy. Am I maybe a demigirl after all? I'd like to know your thoughts :smilewave
Hello again! For what it's worth, many trans people don't go through SRS for a multitude of different reasons. Honestly, it sounds to me like you are a demigirl because you do want to be "her" and "she" and not "hir" or "ze" or any other gender neutral pronouns. Also, I think it's a really good idea trying to figure yourself out BEFORE you tell your parents. I made that mistake before >_> Good luck!~
You might have a look here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/155543-not-female-not-male-but.html#2 and here: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/gender-identity-expression/156085-i-just-im-kind-scared.html#4 Its a lot of information... I'd say take your time to go through them... You might think about building some community... chatting with others on EC... there might be support groups in your area... (*hug*)
I feel almost exactly how you described (except feeling androgynous/male instead of androgynous/female), and I have definitely considered the label demiboy. I don't know if that's what fits me, and I'm still trying to find a label that does, but if demigirl is a label that feels good for you, it could definitely fit with what you're feeling.
